Day 3 of America held hostage by George W. Bush on his book-sellin’ tour.
He still has a few days left plastering his Alfred E. Neuman-looking goofy grin all over the media. The rest of this week will find the worst president in our lifetime in more friendly territory of softball-hittin’ questions when he’ll appear on Fox Fabricated News shows like Baba O’Reilly and Hannity and finally on “Fox & Friends,” where there will be cheerleaders instead of news anchors.
As W. might pronounce it, the “coop-de-gracias” will take place Monday night with an appearance on “The Tonight Show.” This is perfect for Jay Leno, who has become the right wing’s new court jester —- a job previously held by Dennis “When analogies go bad” Miller. Leno has previously sucked up to Rush to Judgment, Glenn Beck and Sarah Palin. His scheduled guest on Wednesday was the lovable loser of the Delaware Senate seat, the bewitched, bothered and bewildered Christine “playing with yourself is playing with fire” O’Donnell.
Ol’ W. looks more focused pitching his book than he ever did as president.
Case in point: Rush to Judgment tried to get W. to come out full fascista in favor of the Arizona illegal immigration law. W.’s response: “You’re trying to get me to make news. Hell, I want to sell books!”
Spoken like a true capitalist.
Can a brother get a hoo-rah!
The former prez stopped by to visit with Oprah. Obviously the only way he could get in her book club.
Things overheard in the audience when Oprah interviewed W.:
1. “He looks dumber in person.”
2. “Figures: Some lucky audience got keys to cars underneath their seats. We get stuck with copies of his book.”
3. “When is he gonna jump up and down on the couch and profess his love for America?”
4. “Did he just refer to Oprah as Condi?”
5. “Wonder how quick he’d be ducking stiletto heels thrown at him.”
6. “I locked the door to the stage exit, let’s watch and see if he tries to keep opening it up.”
7. “All I heard was a famous George would be on today. I was expecting Clooney —- hell, George Hamilton would’ve been more interesting!”
8. “Is it me or is there heat between W. and Oprah?”
9. “It’s an honor being in person in the audience listening to the most powerful person in the United States from 2001 to 2009. And George Bush, too.”
10. “I thought this was the day Oprah was going to have the witch who wanted to be a Hare Krishna and believes scientists discovered mice with human brains who have to abstain from self-gratification.”
Hey, some of the reviews are in for W.’s memoir “Decision Points”:
1. “Buy this book, dammit, or the terrorists have won!” ——– Dick Cheney
2. “It’s called ‘Decision Points’ —– it should be called ‘A Thousand Points of Delight’!” —— Sean Hannity
3. “Best work of fiction since Dickens.” —— Keith Olbermann
4. “So inspirin’ and heavenly —– it could replace the Bible at the inauguration of the next presient in 2013. I’m not saying it’s gonna be ME!” ——- Sarah Palin
5. “Not a misspelt word in the hole book.” ——– Dan Quayle
6. “Yes, I know —- I can’t believe your country elected this guy twice either.” ——– Tony Blair
7. “Was he sober when he wrote this?” ——– Oprah’s Book Club
8. “Ignorance has found its soulmate.” ——– President Obama (was that too harsh, I can tone it down —- I don’t want to make any waves…. what’s the polling say?)
9. “This book should’ve been called ‘WMD: Wasted My Day’ reading this @#$!@#” ——- Rahm Emanuel
10. “First it was Moses who wrote the Ten Commandments with the hand of God, and now this….” —— Glenn Beck (I know, hard to believe I didn’t have a ‘hand’ in it, too.)