Sarah Palin, ain’t she sweet.
She has come to the defense of cookies.
Now that they’ve taken back the House, some Republicans are now “manning up” and saying —- on the record even — that Mama Grizzly cost them the Senate with her impulsive backing of whackaloon candidates.
So, is the Baked Alaskan out there doing some kind of penance for over-reaching of her power and coming up short?
Has she been relagated to speaking about minor issues like stopping the government from offering nutrition as an alternative in school lunch programs?
Naturally, this cupcake brain misread the whole issue because no one really wants to deny little Johnny an occasional double fudge walnut brownie. Present company included.
Doesn’t really matter, some organization paid her lots of money to speak about what she thought was a school board in Pennsylvania bowing to government over-reach, mandating that sweets not be on school lunch menus.
Mama Grizzly even brought cookies for all in attendance at the, not surprising, private school.
That’s right, don’t talk about how our children are lagging behind other countries in math and science studies —– or how to address our embattled education system.
That’s book learnin’ stuff. Socialist babble.
Let them eat cake.
Later on Twizzler, ah, Twitter, Mama Grizzly snickered that Pennsylvania thinking of limiting sweets at schools was a “nanny state run amok.”
Sarah Palin, ain’t she Tweet.
Columnist Maureen Dowd was right, Palin has “made ignorance fashionable.”
Let’s take it a step further: Keep Palin out of ear shot of children.
Instead, since she’s such a media darling and will soon debut her reality TV show (on The Learning Channel, no less) let’s also build a new movie around her with the subject of defending sweets from an evil government takeover.
Coming soon, before 2012 anyway, Sarah Palin in “Planet of the Grapes.”
The movie’s tagline: “They not only had to be fast —- they had to be Nestle’s Quick!”
Palin plays Sara Lee, who goes rogue by taking on the government, run by the arugala-eating Muslim, who is out to stop child obesity by making everyone become nutritionists in grades K through 12.
In lunchrooms across his Evil Empire, children are denied such things as Ding-Dongs, moon pies and Almond Joys. Instead they are forced to snack on carrots and green beans and pears and apples.
When Sara Lee can’t get enough real men to support her revolution (they especially buckle under when she chants “Man up, marshmallows!”) she joins and immediately commands an underground resistance movement called the Lollipop League, comprised of Keebler elves, who have secretly been manufacturing bakeries all over the forest in tree trunks.
Conflict ensues when Sara Lee is captured. Expecting this cookie to crumble, it’s here where she gets to deliver the catch phrase of the movie: “Get your cauliflower-picking hands off my Chips Ahoy!, you dirty stinking feds!”
She is placed under house arrest and not permitted to go out on any speaking gigs. But that’s not going to hold this smart cookie down —– there’s lots of $100,000 candy bars out there for her to give away on Halloween.
Sara Lee escapes by luring her captors, Hansel and Gretel, into an impromptu tea party. Unfortunately for her captors, the tea party includes the witch next door, who put a spell on the two after they admitted to climbing the Jolly Green Giant’s beanstalk.
Sara Lee escapes on the witch’s broom, while the witch stays behind to brainwash Hansel and Gretel into never, ever have sex unless they’re married. And to also never make the mistake Sara Lee did by switching her daughter Dancing Grizzly’s birth control pills with Tic-Tacs.
Over the river and through the woods Sara Lee and the elves go until they finally meet up with their rendition of an exiled Obi-wan Kanobe. His name, of course, is Willy Wonka.
Before their plan is hatched, Sarah Lee must have the inspiration she needs. So she visits that giant statue that is only visible to the waist because it was destroyed by dementia-treated corn and lettuce. It is what’s left of the Statue of Gipper holding a jar of his favorite jellybeans.
Within days after introducing goodies of all kinds to peons of the Evil Empire, who all surrender easily after experiencing that first sugar rush, Sarah Lee wins over the kingdom. Because, in the end, nobody doesn’t like Sarah Lee.