Northern Over-exposure

      The lame duck session of Congress is back this week. Nothing is going to get done because the Democrats have been in a lame duck session for the last two years.

So now it’s  (prime) time for the race for president in 2012 to get under way.

And Mama Grizzly fired the first salvo.

With a reality TV show.

The Real Housewives of Wasilla, Alaska, made its debut Sunday on The Learning Channel. Which begs the question —- what can we learn about the Palins that hasn’t already been shoved down our throats?

If television has taught us anything it’s that there can never be too much exposure of a celebrity politician, sports figure or movie star when the public craves it.

But television eventually eats its young. Until then, it’s as if Punxutawney Phil the groundhog has seen his shadow three months early and there’s seven more weeks of “Sarah Palin’s Alaska.”

In the debut episode on Sunday, we got a travelogue of awesome-looking Alaska and a narrator in Palin who, if you haven’t figured it out already, is just barely appreciated in small portions, as in  sound bites on the news. But listening to her for an hour is the definition of an exercise in futility. Like listening to a thousand car tires coming to a screaching halt at the same time.

There was The Baked Alaskan climbin’ a glacier and fishin’ for Moby Dick or something. These were obviously photo ops. Palin isn’t going to spend more than an hour really mountain climbing or even watching bears wassle. Well, maybe the bears, since it’s in the family. But there’s no way she’s spending an entire day fishin’ to put supper on the table. One can almost hear her bossin’ the cameraman around: “Is that a take? No? Well, Mister Hollywood, let’s man up and get the flippin’ shot. Time is money.”

We also got a look at the Palin household, which shows Boss Lady in her TV studio. Narcissism as sacrament? You bet’cha!

There’s also a kind of Abstinence Wing in the house, where Mommy Moneymaker has the stairs blocked off at the foot with a baby-fence. The stairs lead up to the bedrooms — specifically teen daughter Willow’s, which Palin made sure everyone knew. So the baby fence meant “no boys allowed.” Ya, that ought to keep Levi Johnston at bay.

It’s hard to figure what hubby Todd’s usefulness is —–  except for decoration, as in a human bear rug. He’s certainly not the bread winner. He’s more like a himbo. Living off the wife’s celebrity. And living quite well at that. His license plate probably says “Gone Fishing.” OK, maybe that’s too harsh —- let’s call him a Man Wife. Maybe that’s how the guys “man up” in the Palin household.

An idea for an upcoming episode from the Avalanche of Awesomeness from Alaska: “Huntin’ down endangered species from a helicopter with My AK-47.”

This is not supposed to be a political statement marking Palin’s venture into getting the GOP nomination for president in 2012.

If she announced she was running, that would take care of her keeping her own show on The Learning Channel —- unless that network was willing to give equal time to other candidates seeking the nomination.

Yikes! That would mean having possible shows like:

1. “Hayley Barbour’s Deep South.” Episode one: “The history of Southern Good Ole Boys with first names that can go either way.”

2. “Mitt Romney’s History of Hair Gel.”

3. “Tim Pawlenty’s Minnesota.” Episode One: “A visit with the real Rocky and Bullwinkle of Frostbite Falls.”

4. “Mike Huckabee’s Mayberry” (or “Huckabee of Mayberry”): Mike is the 21st century’s Andy Taylor who runs America as smoothly as “Ange” did Mayberry on the 1960s homespun sitcom. Featuring George W. Bush as Deputy Barney, Rush Limbaugh as Otis the town prescription drug addict, Michele Bachmann as the psychotic Aunt Bee, and Rand Paul as the Beaver.

5.  “Newt Gingrich’s The Newt Whose Role is Christian”: The Newtster rounds up the usual suspects (according to him) who ain’t God-loving hypocrites who cheat on their wives. Episode One: Bring Me the Head of Steny Hoyer! Newt helps the 112th Congress of Republicans with their Contract on America, because it worked so well for the party in 1994. Talk about a Learning Channel experience….

Don’t touch that dial, America.

There’s another Wasilla Hillbillies family member gonna be on TV real soon. Y’all come back now, hear?
    

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