President Obama pardoned two turkeys the day before Thanksgiving. But he left a lot of other turkeys out there that there may not be any excuse for —- including members of his own party.
Once again the Democrats do what they do best —– snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.
Here are some turkeys of the year —— in no specific order —– who have given a new lease on life to the word dubious:
1. Meg Whitman: Mega-Bucks spent more than $140 million trying to become governor of California. The eBay successful businesswoman failed to sell herself to voters. Besides learning the real meaning of wasteful spending, one would hope that Mega-mind learned humility. And the reality that over-exposure in TV ads can turn people off. Especially since they’re aware that she’s a zillionaire who spent all that money on her own ego when people in the state she wanted to govern are homeless and hungry and can’t find work. That $140 million wouldn’t have done the state budget much good, but it could’ve been helpful to individual organizations and charities. It’s not enough to brag about how successful you are in business and how that might translate to governing. Sometimes being over-ambitious is transparent.
2. Carl Paladino: The thug Tea Party candidate who ran for governor of New York and had his head handed to him by voters like he was that horse in the movie mogul’s bed in “The Godfather.” Carl, a shady character and proud of it (he sent porno e-mails as well as racist photo-shop pictures of the Obamas over the Internet to “friends”), thought he could capitalize on voter anger and win the election. Carl was caught on video threatening to “take out” a reporter. Election results proved that the electorate was angry —- but not to the extent Carl misread it. During the campaign he vowed to bring a baseball bat to Albany — you know, to literally knock some sense into politicians who didn’t agree with him. The voters treated him like he really is: a joke in gangster’s clothing. You can’t really blame Carl, though. He was born too late —- he would’ve made a great Nazi.
3. Madison Avenue: The Mad that they were born Men who green-light male-bashing TV commercials that have finally made their way into TV watched mostly by men — like the NFL.
This is no coincidence that these sexist, anti-male commercials run during sporting events. If it’s the liberal news media conservatives are concerned about giving values issues a black eye, they ought to start looking at TV commercials that feminize men and make them appear weak and stupid and less-powerful in the boardroom and in the bedroom than women.
Comedian Adam Carolla has a book out called “In Fifty Years We’ll All Be Chicks.” Madison Avenue is doing its part to cut that time in half.
But sometimes, these ad wizards look as foolish as most of the men in their commercials. Case in point: The latest mangirl TV spot that is supposed to insult men concerns NFL jerseys. Naturally these ads run during sporting events. The music to the spot is “You Don’t Own Me” by the great Lesley Gore. In the ad, women are showing their power over men by not wearing guy jerseys of NFL teams like their men do. Here’s the empowerment issue: NFL jerseys “designed for her.” That’s right guys, your woman will not look like Jeanine Garafolo in the too large a size jersey. Now she has the Lady NFL. And it’s a snug fit. So there.
Thanks guys. But don’t let this get out that men want their gals to wear those form-fitting jerseys — or you’ll have to apologize and not be the one to pick which chick flick the two of you are going to see on Saturday night.
4. The JetBlue flight attendant: Talk about someone with exactly 15 minutes of fame. Steven Slater threw a hissy fit and quit his job just before the jet took off in New York. Some lady got his panties in a bunch and he snapped like Liza during rehearsal because someone ate that extra eclair. So he grabbed a few brewskis from the jet’s minibar, opened the door and slid down that emergency chute to instant recognition —- for about a three-day news cycle. People thought he was a hero and spoke for the way a lot of us might feel about our own jobs. Good for him, we thought. Bravo, tell the Man to take this job and shove it. Oh, wait. You quit your job in the middle of this economy? This guy faded so fast from the public eye, that talk of a reality TV show was looked upon as dumb as what the guy did. So, how could the vampires at the TV networks who come up with reality TV shows and guests cover up almost giving this guy a TV show? Someone finally had a brainstorm: Bristol Palin on “Dancing with the Stars?”
5. Pastor Terry Jones and the Koran burnings: This zealot didn’t hold America hostage threatening to burn copies of the Koran in front of his church as the media reported. He held the media hostage. They covered his every move, hinged on every word of this unhinged parasite like he stood between us and Armageddon. When he didn’t go through with his threat, the media dropped him faster than guys dump Jennifer Aniston.
6. Cable TV news: They go crazy during a car chase in Anywhere, USA, because they’d kill for another OJ incident. And they can’t help but cover Lindsay Lohan’s revolving door at rehab news flashes. They want to be right so badly that they will jump on any bandwagon to make their audience believe they were there from the start. They don’t cover the news as much as they like to put themselves in the news.
7. Sharron Angle: the Tea Party’s threat to unseat Senate Majority Leader Harry “Droopy” Reid makes Dan Quayle look like a Rhodes scholar. Her avoiding the media made her a target of the media because you can’t avoid the media by not talking to the media because then the media will make you seem like you’ve got something to hide. Angle couldn’t hide the fact she’s an idiot and she let her “handlers” produce racist TV campaign ads that made people turn to Reid —- which could not have been an easy thing for any voter in Nevada to do.
8. The TSA: Can’t forget these puppies. This late in the year and with that much controversy: Who ever thought that the airlines handling your baggage meant they were going to be handling you? Even granny was patted down. But at least she didn’t have her plug pulled by Obamacare. The TSA, also known as the T&A, has even gotten FEMA off the hook as the most embarrassing government agency. Run if you see that flight attendant who quit JetBlue as one of the agents ready to do the frisking.
9. The aforementioned Democratic Party: Since the party’s symbol is a donkey, let’s refer to them as the title of a new movie “Jackass Forever.” They passed major legislation like health care (like it ot not) and let a party beat them like they were a drum. A party so petty its members will even go against the president’s arms treaty with Russia (which had the blessing in the 1980s by Saint Ronald Reagan) just so Obama can’t have a victory of any kind.
10. OK, the best of the worst was saved for last: Sarah Palin. Mama Grizzly’s most recent flub about “our North Korean allies” had her reacting swiftly —- and on Thanksgiving. Last week when former first lady Barbara Bush said Palin “should stay in Alaska,” the Baked Alaskan recoiled like a snake and called the Bushies “bluebloods.”
Palin proves she can’t be president in so many ways that one of them may be overlooked. Until now. She’s thin-skinned and feels she has to react to every criticism tossed at her. And she does so in a mean-spirited way.
Comedian Bill Maher was right: Sarah Palin is mean.
She Tweeted that sure it was a slip of the tongue about those darn Koreas — but what about Obama’s slip of the tongue, ot Biden the human gaffe machine?
As one female reporter put it Friday, it would’ve been better for a potential presidential candidate not to react that way on such a traditional American holiday. She could’ve waited a day (what, and miss Black Friday?)
The reporter made sense saying Palin should’ve taken that time not to react to her critics but to send a message of unity.
But Palin isn’t about unity. She’s Queen Bee of the Foxholes. At Fox Fabricated News the new slogan could be: “At Fox, divided we stand tall. United, we’re MSNBC.”
Palin could also learn to answer her critics with humor. Remember, at times it’s best to answer your enemies with wit, not a hissy fit.
Memo to Mama Grizzly: If you need some expert retorts, there’s no one better to ask than your celebrity incarnation, Tina Fey.
And while you’re at it, work on your delivery when telling a joke — you always come off more sarcastic than urbane.
But first someone will probably have to remind you that urbane isn’t the last name of that musician from Nirvana.