Throw Cheney from the bus

     Good ole boy George W. Bush's memoir "Decision Points" is due to hit bookstores on Tuesday.

Conveniently one week after the midterm elections.

Of course when you think of books, W.'s name comes immediately to mind.

The last book he read was "My Pet Goat" and he didn't finish that because it was on Sept. 11, 2001.

That must've been the time he decided to call himself "The Decider." And the first thing he decided was not to read books anymore ---especially to pre-school kids ---- because it automatically triggers something disasterous. Reading book = terrorist attack on U.S.

Speaking of disasterous, W.'s presidency is one for the books.

One interesting passage has W. admitting that he considered dropping Dick Cheney from the ticket when running for re-election in 2004.

Reason? W. wanted to put to rest the theory that Deadeye Dick was the real president.

So W. decided to keep Cheney because, well, he was the real president. 

OK, that's not what W. says in the book. But it would've been more fun if that was the case.

It also would've been more intriguing had Cheney found out W. planned to ---- media cliche alert! ---- throw him under the bus.

Picture this: Cheney discovering that W. was thinking (which would be a first to begin with) of dumping him. So he decides he's going to withdraw his nomination before the potential bombshell of a decision was made.

Here are reasons Dick Cheney could have given for withdrawing his name from the 2004 re-election ticket:

1. He wanted to spend more time with his family ----- waterboarding suspected terrorists.

2. He got tired of representing America at funerals for foreign dignitaries and being mistaken for the corpse.

3. A possible scandal for the administration was brewing: He was behind on the rent to his undisclosed location.

4. Doctors weren't as concerned about his heart as they were that he didn't have four years left to snear.

5. He decided his time would be better served working on his Country album, tentatively titled "Cheney's Got A Gun."

Dick would reword titles of famous songs and put his own twist on the lyrics. Here's what could've been the itinerary:

Side One:

1. "50 Ways to Abuse Your Power"

2. "Ob-la-di-ob-labu-ghraib"

3. "Can't Take My Spies Off of You"

4. "The Lying Game"

5. "Workin' on a Cheney Gang"

Side Two:

1. "My Heart Will Go On (Until the next angioplasty)"

2. "UnCheney Melody"

3. "Tutti-Fruiti Liberals"

4. "Eve of (Weapons of Mass) Destruction"

5. "My Sweet Dark Lord"