Time of the season

      The end of each year brings honors and nominees for awards that won’t be announced until early next year.

Time magazine will announce its Person of the Year on Wednesday. Early “favorites” include the WikiLeaks freak, Lady GaGa, the Tea Party and the unemployed.

In the past the honor has gone to the likes of Barack Obama —- and Hitler!

Coincidence? Not if you watch Fox Fabricates News like a stalker watches his prey.

It’s anyone’s guess who will win the honor —- and isn’t it about time that Time gets with it and changed that to Time’s Hottie of the Year? But here are signs you won’t be named Time’s Person of the Year:

1. You ran a political TV ad telling voters you’re not a witch.

2. You have a reality TV show filmed in Alaska and you shoot a caribou dead on camera and then laugh like the loon that you are.

3. You spent $140 million of your own money to become governor of California when you could have used all that lettuce to help people in your state —- and you lose the election anyway.

4. You’re Levi Johnston.

5. You were married to Sandra Bullock who just won an Oscar and you cheated on her.

6. You ran for office as a Democrat.

7. Your TV show in the 10 p.m. time slot bombed, so you stole back the coveted late night spot and you try to convince the public that — just like the guy you robbed the spot from —- you got screwed, too.

8. You threw a hissy fit on JetBlue and quit your job as flight attendant on the spot and was a hero for about a cup of coffee … tea or milk.

9. You got fired from your job with British Petrolium but took a new one as a TSA agent.

10. You’re president of the United States.

      

While Time gives out its honor on Wednesday, we’ll have to wait until January to see who wins the Golden Globes.

The Globe nominees were announced on Tuesday and — hello, people! —- nothing for “Jackass 3″!

The Golden Globes is run by the Hollywood Foreign Press Association. So if they’re in Hollywood then they’re not really foreign are they? Still, the Heartland, which hates Hollywood (but pays to see the movies it makes) thinks Tinseltown is a bunch of foreign-lovin’ anti-Americans anyway.

Which would make sense if you don’t have a brain, but it doesn’t help the Foreign Press much when it nominated “The King’s Speech” — a viddy British costume drama based in the 1930s about King George’s speech impediment and how he learned to conquer it and … who cares.

The big stink is how “The Tourist” with Johnny Depp and the awesome Angelina Jolie got nominated when it’s a critical, and commercial, flop.

That’s the problem with the Globes, it separates the comedy and drama categories in the best picture races. After a while, it’s tough finding five films that are good enough to fill out the comedy or musical category.

The Globes should probably take a page out of the Oscars (since it’s a wannabe anyway) and nominate 10 films in a single category. The Oscars did that last year, even though it came down to the two movies with the most nominations anyway.

Last year’s winner for comedy or musical Golden Globe was “The Hangover.” Nice!

This year it’s between Depp’s other movie “Alice in Wonderland” “Burlesque” “The Kids are Alright” and “Red.”

Once again, Hollywood Foreign Press,  something against “MacGruber”?

And how can you forget to nominate Meryl Streep? OK, so she didn’t make a movie this year. A minor detail when you’re talking about Meryl. She could give a great performance by not even giving a performance.

We’re talking the ludicrous Golden Globes here. The award that once went to Pia Zadora for most promising actress (that one deserves to be Googled) and a scroll of some sort with words on it to Robin Williams as a commendation for his voice over as the Genie in the animated film “Aladdin.” Williams had a field day when he accepted that atrocity of an award.

Last year the Globes gave the best drama picture award to “Avatar.” So that bodes well this year for the visually stunning “Inception” to win.

But that would mean you’re just sick with Bieber Fever.

“The Social Network” —- more commonly known as “The Facebook Movie” — won the Los Angeles Film Critics Award for best picture. Right now it’s the one to beat because it’s gaining momentum.

The Golden Globes are sometimes perceived as a harbinger for the Oscars. To the point that a lot of the movies and performances will also be Oscar-nominated (but you could probably count out “The Tourist” and “Burlesque.”)

Oh ya, not satisfied with that many movie categories, the Globes also gives out awards for TV shows. The fun part bout that is watching where the TV people sit and where the movie people sit. When a winner from a TV show wins a Globe, it takes them longer to get to the stage because they’re seated so far in the back.

Maybe the most ironic category in the Globes field is that of best foreign language movie.

Since the Globes is comprised of a foreign press, wouldn’t all the English speaking nominees be the real foreigners?

Forget it, Jake. It’s Hollywood.

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One Response to Time of the season

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