“Eskimo Pie, Alaska. Hello!”
Larry King signed off for keeps on his CNN TV talk show Thursday.
The career this guy had.
In print with a column is USA Today.
And that interview show on TV —- a tenure lasting 25 years.
For a while there it was good to be da King.
This guy interviewed them all.
Politicians of every ilk.
Nobel Peace Prize winners.
Captains of Industry.
Famous people from show bidness to politics gave King quite the send-off.
President Obama delivered a taped message congratulating the old fart. Word has it Obama’s message had to first be cleared by Senate Republicans.
Gov. Ahh-nold decreed Thursday “Larry King Day” in Caly-for-nee-ah. The cost of that celebration probably came out of the state budget. In a few weeks we’ll be saying hasta la bye-bye to you, too, Eraser-head.
Bill Clinton appeared via remote satellite from Little Rock, Ark. The TV censors made sure Former President Elvis was filmed from the waist up.
Sarah Palin congratulated Larry and of course made it all about her by saying now his final show will finally get good ratings. Hey, it worked: King’s final show drew 2.2 million viewers. Thanks, Mama Grizzly!
Tony Bennett serenaded the Kingmeister with the standard song “The Best is Yet to Come” backed up by a few of Larry’s ex-wives who answered with “Not until the alimony checks clear.”
It would’ve been fun if Betty White cut a taped segment and got on Larry’s case for never-going-to-be-asked to host “Saturday Night Live.”
Too bad Jerry Seinfeld wasn’t on again to remind Larry that for the upteenth time, “No, NBC did not cancel ‘Seinfeld.’ I decided to hang it up.” Then Jerry could have snarked back at Larry, “Did CNN cancel your show?”
David Letterman could’ve recorded something that had to do with “Larry King is retiring from his show. Now, if we can only convince Regis…Yes!”
Jay Leno recorded a message saying “I got screwed, Conan got screwed, Dave got screwed, Larry got screwed…”
Somebody named Piers Morgan will replace King in January.
The name sounds like a city Larry would blurt out during a call-in: “Piers Morgan, Kentucky. What’s your question?”
1. Larry will start a senior citizens’ WikiLeaks-type group that unlawfully releases secrets, such as what medications older entertainers are on and who uses Polident. The organization could be called AdultDiaperLeaks.
2. Larry will join the cast of “The Jersey Shore” as the cranky next door neighbor known as The Dicey Situation because he keeps calling to inteview them in his “Old Man Cave.”
3. “Sigfried and Roy for the Full Hour!” could be Larry’s new opening line as the announcer for the animal trainers in Vegas. When announcing himself, he could tell the crowd “And yours truly, Larry The Lion King.”
4. Larry is going to make a made-for Lifetime TV movie about him and his ex-wives and it’s going to be called “The King and I, and her, and she, and what’s-her-name.”
5. “The King’s Speech” is what Larry’s going to give at any college or university that would actually ask him to speak at its commencement.
6. “The Man Who Would Be King” is what critics are going to refer to Piers Morgan as when he bombs in Larry’s old time slot.
7. Larry thinks he’s going to be invited to the Royal Wedding of Prince Willy and Kate because he’s a King.
8. King and John McCain will release a hip-hop song that’s a take off of a classic Rolling Stones tune and redo it as “Hey, you, get off of my lawn.”
9. Larry and Abe Vagoda will tour the country as mummies.
10. In yet another bold move on its part, NBC is going for broke and giving Larry his own show that will run in the 10 p.m. time slot.