Naughty or nice

     When Santa makes his list and checks it twice to find out who’s naughty or nice, he won’t be able to avoid the true fact that in the 21st century, the mainstream media —- which influences public opinion —- loves to reward bad behavior.

Just ask the cast of “Jersey Shore.”

But sometimes being naughty can be nice. Especially when it’s played for laughs. Which is why the incomporable Betty White —- who is well into her 80s —- was tapped by the Associated Press as entertainer of the year.

Everybody’s favorite sassy grandma is without peer at being so naughty it’s nice.

Some entertainers try too hard to be naughty:

Lindsay Lohan in and out of rehab and jail is tired. But it makes the mainstream media go ga-ga over covering it.

Speaking of ga-ga, how naughty is Lady GaGa anyway?

Let’s let cranky old codger Andy Rooney of “60 Minutes” tackle that one:

“You ever wonder why celebrities always want to be naughty? When you’re a child, it’s cute sometimes when you’re naughty. But not when you’re supposed to be a grown up. Morley Safer is never naughty. Although him slipping that ecstasy into my Ovaltine was a little kinky. There’s this Lady GaGa, who is a singer of sorts, I guess. She always tries to be naughty. And that’s not always nice. Especially when she wore that meat dress. Even though a veal cutlet strategically placed was involved, it wasn’t my idea of being naughty. Celebrities get angry when people wear fur —- and I don’t understand why the fur didn’t fly when Lady GaGa showed up looking like she was dressed by Sam the Butcher from the Partridge Family.”

Cut to Charlie Sheen, who went berserko grande in a hotel room with a hooker. Charlie still thinks he’s living in the 1980s and partying like t’s 1999. Sorry, Charlie, the naughty boy image went out with the Bangels and the Rubik’s Cube. You know your bad boy days are behind you when even cougars won’t be seen with you for photo ops. Maybe if you got a Justin Bieber hair-do….

The writers and performers of “Saturday Night Live” think they’re naughty —- but the show’s relentless homoerotic sketches have worn as thin as the scripts offered to Mel Gibson. To “SNL”: There’s a difference between being cutting edge and cutting the cheese. No matter how your slice it,  your sketches, which start off with promise but never seal the deal, stink.

Brett Favre thought he was being naughty when he sent obscene pictures of himself to that sports reporter hot chick who posed for Playboy. It didn’t help when she told him that now she understands what is meant when they say football is a game of inches, and that he was always a yard short of making a first down. Brett thought it would be nice if he finally retired from being naughty. Wait, he just announced that he’s coming out of retirement to be naughty again. No, he retired again. Wait, he’s going to play at being naughty for one more year….

While still in the sports department, the InterWeb when Rex Ryan, the over-bearing coach of the New York J-E-T-S Jets, Jets, Jets, and his foot fetish video made with his wife a few years back, went viral. Naturally, during what was supposed to be a news conference about the team’s upcoming game against Da Bears, questions turned to his naughtiness when it comes to feet.

This is not a naughty. There is no such category called Too Much Naughty Information. Well, maybe until now.

It makes sense then that in a game almost two week ago, a Jets asistant coach on the sideline tripped a Miami Dolphins player running down the sideline on a kickoff.

The Ryan Express foot fetish has spread all over the Jets coaching staff. No wonder why the team is called Gang-Green.

They can’t wait for the other shoe to drop so they can see nekkid toes.

Ryan’s favorite urban legend sports-related quote: “Say it ain’t Toe, Joe”

Rex’s favorite musical number: “Fetish Entertain You”

Ryan’s favorite TV character: “Arch-ie Bunker”

Rex’s favorite trendy food: “Toe-fu”

What he is seeking treatment for: “Athlete’s Foot in Mouth Disease”

Headline used when he is responsible for team losing a game: “Ryan De-Feets His Purpose”

Meanwhile, at the other end of the spectrum, is it possible to be too nice?

Ask President Obama. People think he’s a nice guy but he has a job approval rating hovering around 45 percent.

Now Bill Clinton was naughty —- and comics are still having a nice time picking apart his peccadilloes.

Clinton. Naughty. Economy was as healthy as his appetite for junk food.

Just saying.

Naughty wannabe of the year: Bristol Palin for going all taxi dancer on “Dancing with the Stars”: Sorry, Unwed Mama Grizzly, naughty abstinence is a contradiction in terms.

Finally, there’s Elmo. Elmo from “Sesame Street”?  Yes, that Elmo. The perv. He made that naughty (supposedly) kiddie music video with the deliciously naughty Katy Perry. OK, there was nothing naughty about it except for the Gestapo Parent Association (“What about the Children!?”) who got it banned from the kiddie show because they thought Katy showed too much cleavage.

First of all there is no such thing as too much cleavage —- but that’s beside the point. The so-called parent watchdog group were worried that, what?, their two-year-old was going to stare at Katy’s cleavage and say “Mama?”

Hey, it’s not like Elmo asked Katy to tickle him.

Now that would have  been naughty.
 

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