Pilgrims’ progress

        A news item from a week or so ago went by without much fanfare.

It was the 244th anniversary of the Pilgrims landing at Plymouth.

That was 244 years before outgoing Pennsylvania Gov. Ed Rendell called America “a nation of wusses.”

Rendell came to this conclusion and went public with it after the NFL canceled last Sunday night’s football game between the Philadelphia Eagles and the Minnesota Vikings.

The NFL thought it best to do so because of the blizzard in Philly that blanketed Lincoln Financial Park with wind and blowing snow.

You know, football weather.

“The frozen tundra of Lambeau Field” and all that.

So the game was moved to Tuesday when the weather forecast was more favorable. Of course when the game was played, the Eagles, who were heavily favored over the lowly Vikings, got their butts handed to them.

Rendell’s point is well-taken here. Back East people live to brave the elements. The more treacherous the conditions, the more people want to be out and about in it.

Of course it doesn’t hurt when you’ve got a lot of “anti-freeze” running through your body to keep you warm.

OK, so maybe the tailgate parties would’ve suffered a bit in the blizzard conditions. There’s nothing worse than a frozen bratwurst that won’t barbeque.

Back East, the definition of a wussy is someone who can only handle a blizzard if they order one at a Dairy Queen.

Think of those Pilgrims and the arduous winters they had to endure.

Americans today wouldn’t last the time it takes for the coin toss at the beginning of a football game to be decided.

We’d have every flu and cold remedy advertised on TV on us at all times. And while you’re at it, don’t forget the Chap-Stik.

There is a definite wussification taking place in America.

It runs rampant on TV shows courtesy of the powerful liberal overlords who can’t get enough of gender-bending and role reversal.

Women tell men to “grow a pair.” Heck, women tell other women to “grow a pair.”

Meanwhile, men sexually harrass each other and talk — sometimes to uncomfortable extremes — about each others’ body parts and seem to be more interested in sodomy than having sexual relationships with women.

It’s gotten to the point that there can’t even be any jokes about women because everything would be criticized as being sexist.

The new taboo.

On the other hand, women are free — and expected —- to cut men down to size at every given opportunity. Which is at least twice every show.

Segue to the political arena, where a tactic some female candidates in 2010 used against their male opponents was to paint them as wusses.

Male candidates were told in debates to “man up” and/or “put your man pants on.”

It’s commonplace to be a wuss in the entertainment field, but Rendell doesn’t want to see it in the sports arena.

Defensive players are hit with hefty fines for hitting a wide receiver or running back too hard.

Don’t mess up Tom Brady’s hair! Remember the Brady rule!

Pittsburgh Steelers great Jack Lambert was prophetic when he said 30 years ago that “they should just put a skirt on the quarterback.”

Of course if the greatest middle linebacker of all time was playing today and said that, the NFL would fine him $75,000, suspend him for four games and make him apologize on “The View.”

Rendell, who looks like a longshoreman and speaks in a voice that sounds like he’s smoked two packs of Camels a day since he was 10, probably wouldn’t admit to watching “Glee.” At least not on a regular basis.

Still and all, Rendell was the most ardent Hillary Clinton supporter in the 2008 Democratic primary. That doesn’t make him a wuss, of course. But he probably thought along the same lines as one of her male supporters who actually said publicly that Hillary has a higher testosterone level than then-candidate Barack Obama.

Rendell knows wusses. How about you? Here are some signs you could be a wussy:

1. You still get verklempt when you see footage on the life of Princess Di.

2. You pronounce the word “nook-u-lure” correctly.

3. You’re a bleeding heart liberal who revels in putting the word “phobic” after words to prove that people who don’t agree with you are just a bunch of fraidy-cats.

4. You use the phrase “I’m secure in my masculinity” and follow that up with “I’m in touch with my feminine side.”

5. You yak on your cell phone like seventh-grade girls at a slumber party.

         If the Pilgrims landed now and saw America, they’d probably turn around and go back from where they came.

Unless one or two of them thought they should stick around because they have a pretty good shot at winning on “Idol.”

Things the Pilgrims said or heard when they first set foot on the New World:

1. “What do you mean where are our papers?”

2. “You came here to escape religious persecution? Welcome. Just one question: None of you are Catholics or Jews are you?”

3. “Sure, you people were here long before we set foot on this terrain. But, trust us, we’ll never hold that against you.”

4. “He’s our new leader: We call him ‘One with Orange Skin Who Cries A lot.’ “

5. “It’s called a musket. We use it to kill animals for food. Or if you look at our women.”
 

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One Response to Pilgrims’ progress

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