Speaking of the Speaker

       What’s this? The Republicans had a kumbaya moment.

The 112 Congress got sworn in on Wednesday and the GOP looked like they were joining hands across the aisle and singing “I’d like to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony….”

They talked about how change has come. Just not change you can believe in. Or will have in your pocket after you pay Peter to pay Paul.

Ousted Speaker Nancy Pelosi introduced her successor, the Grim Weeper himself, Republican John Boehner of Ohio.

As Pelosi was giving props to herself, Bad Tan was standing next to her and looked impatient. Or like he wanted to hit her over the head with the Speaker’s gavel to get her to shut up.

He was also wiping tears from his eyes as she talked about his rise to the throne.

Once Boehner spoke, he let loose with all the standard we’re doing the peoples’ business horse puckey and that the new Congress will put an end to business as usual in D.C. Which would mean, of course, if that were to happen, politicians would become extinct. 

The Grim Weeper also regurgitated that Congress is the peoples’ house. Right —- unfortunately the landlords are banks, Wall Street and corporations both foreign and domestic.

Things that went through John Boehner’s mind when he was giving his acceptance speech as the new Speaker of the House on Wednesday:

1. “Focus. Focus. Stay focused. Don’t start crying like the little girl that you are.”

2. “I wish Eric Cantor would stop groping himself every time I look his way.”

3. “Now that I’m Speaker of the House, my ultimate goal in life is within reach: Named People magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive.”

4. “Jiminy Crickets! From this view you really can see Michele Bachmann make her head spin completely around!”

5. “I want bunny rabbits on my bib. I want bunny rabbits on my bib!”

6. “I hope Rush likes the way I’m delivering the speech he approved beforehand.”

7. “Just think, I’m in the lofty position to influence a generation of young people —- to get bad orange tans and smoke cigarettes.”

8. “Stop picturing everybody in the House chamber naked.”

9. “Did Pelosi just flip me the bird?”

10. “I still can’t believe the American people bought the crap we were selling.”

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