Crisis control

          The cable news channels, and Fox, had to curb coverage of Lindsay Lohan and that shirtless congressman who resigned and turn their attention to the crisis in Egypt and President Hosni Mubarak not stepping down.

Fox had to wait until all the facts were in before they could start fabricating them and eventually blame President Obama for the whole crisis.

They got their opinion makers lined up in a row. Sarah “Blood Libel” Plain decided to go on without first being briefed about what to say by Rush to Judgment and Beckerwood.

This right wing-nut decided she’d wing it.

Of course this didn’t happen — but it would’ve gone something like this if it did:

Fox: “Governor Palin, what say you about Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak not going away any time soon but instead giving all the powers to Vice President Suleiman?”

Palin: “First off, let me congratulate the Octomom —- Natalie Suleman —- for becoming a vice president before me! Even if it is in Egypt. She needed the work — what with all those mouths to feed.”

Fox: “Right …. Let’s talk about something we all can agree on —- how poorly Obama is handling this crisis.”

Palin: “OMG! WTF! LOL! Notice I’m speakin’ in acronyms? Just relatin’ with the young people out there with this new way of techno talkin.’ Oh, ya, Obama: Again he shows he can’t man up. Ronald Reagan would be over there saying ‘Mr. MuBarack, tear down this pyramid.”

Fox: “Sphinx?”

Palin: “Honestly, I’ve never gotten that close to an Egyptian to see what they smell like.”

Fox:” You said MuBarack. Don’t you mean Mubarak?”

Palin: “I was being ironic about Mubarak. Trying to make a pun — like MuBarack Obama. In fact, check out my website for the take on the Bangels’ hit song “Walk Like an Egyptian.” It’s now called “Barack like an Egyptian.”

Fox: “Nice. Can anything good come from this crisis?”

Palin: “You bet’cha. It takes the spotlight off that shirtless Republican congressman who resigned.”

Fox: “I was thinking your answer would be “democracy.” But what you said is good, too. And how about the National Enquirer fabricating a libelous story about House Speaker John Boehner’s extra-marital affairs with two women?”

Palin: “A non-story. They’re just trying to discredit a great American. If I believed everything that rag wrote about me, I’d had a grandson from an alien life force that impregnated Bristol and now we have to keep the kid in an empty refrigerator because he was born without nostrils. Kind of looks like a pumpkin.”

Fox: “The women don’t come right out and say it’s the Speaker — because the guy never said who he was or what he did. And all the trysts apparently took place in the dark.”

Palin: “So how’s that a story?”

Fox: “Both women were interviewed at separate times and said the only thing distinctive about him was that he had bright orange skin and cried a lot.”

Palin: “That could describe anybody. In fact, that’s how they described the Bristol’s baby by a alien life force. Wait, the baby does cry a lot…. you don’t think….”

Fox: “Thank you, governor. Next up: Michelle Obama tells students in a classroom that Oreos will be banned from schools across the country because they’re racist….”

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