Donald Trump thought he made the biggest splash at the CPAC convention of Reaganphiles.
Turns out that distinction went to the rotund New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie, who landed the biggest belly flop in the Goldwater gene pool.
Trump is chortling pablum like he’ll make America respected again when he’s elected president. Hasn’t he done enough in that regard with his Miss Whatever Beauty Pageant and that reality TV game show of his?
The Donald said he won’t announce whether he’ll run in 2012 until June. In the meantime, savor such Trumped-up nonsense he espouses like “there’s too much diplomacy in this country” or that countries where we have military bases should be paying us for the protection.
America: the world’s bodyguard.
Speaking of goons —- if you don’t think the new Republican Party is in the image of their defacto leader Rush Limbaugh, take another look at who looks to be running for president.
A couple of lard asses — just like their hero.
There’s Christie, who has become a folk hero to Republicans because he cut billions of dollars for education in his state.
The Republican Party —- “Keeping America Stupid.” One potential presidential candidate at the time.
Christie was Flounder in “Animal House.” Now he’s out to prove Dean Vernon Wormer was wrong when he told him “Son, fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life.”
Besides Christie, there’s Hayley Barbour, the Mississippi governor who said that segregation in the South during the 1960s wasn’t as bad as the liberal news media keeps making it sound.
“Fat, drunk and stupid” is the state motto of Mississippi.
Then there’s homespun former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee, gosh-darn-it. A likeable enough guy who keeps his name in the public with his weekly show on Fox Fabricates News.
Mike used to be a real tub-o-lard, but he lost something like 100 pounds. He’s still a tad hefty — though he might want to gain that weight back if her wants to be taken seriously with this cattle drive.
It’s candidates made in the image of Rush Limbaugh. America’s Bully.
A while back at another CPAC confab (now re-dubbed conflab), Rush was so jovial because everybody in the place was worshipping him he couldn’t contain himself and started jumping up and down. People started believing they were experiencing a quake.
Conservative columnist and lizard queen Ann Coulter was hoping Rush and Christie would join together jumping up and down because it’s been years since she’s felt the earth move.
Things overheard at the CPAC convention:
1. “I’m disappointed. The novelty gift store is already sold out of the dashboard Ronald Reagan statues.”
2. “Reince Priebus is the name of the new RNC chairman? That’s funny, because when I got my annual physical my doctor told me the lab discovered traces of reince on my priebus.”
3. “Rush is gonna talk. It’s listed on the program as ‘The King’s Speech.’ “
4. “Gov. Christie is so huge, he placed third, fourth and fifth in the balloting.”
5. “Christie cuts spending at every turn. You’d think he’d be able to cut down on the Twinkies.”
6. “Why is Ann Coulter shoving cold cuts down the front of her pants-suit?”
7. “Where’s that witch chick from Delaware?”
8. “I realize that Rudy 9-11 is trying to stay relevant — but showing up in drag in Lady GaGa’s meat dress?”
9. “My wife said that thing on Donald Trump’s head made a move on her.”
10. “You wanna impress me, Christie —- have three heart attacks like Cheney did while speaking here one year. Not only that, but —-same day —– he took that guy hunting and shot him in the face.”