GOP celebrity roundup

        It used to be you couldn’t tell the GOP candidates for president without a scorecard.

This time next year there will be primaries. So far this year, no one has officially announced that they’re running.

Could be Fox News and Rush Limbaugh are still in the grooming stages with the pack they’re controlling.

More likely none of the big names want to officially announce because they’re making too much money on speaking gigs and book tours —- and they’re holding out for as long as they can.

In 2008, the GOP made a big deal —- but got little traction —- out of Obama the celebrity who lacks presidential timber.

Now it’s GOP candidates as celebrities first.

Certainly Sarah Palin and Mike Huckabee.

Huckabee has his own TV show.

And everything Palin does plays like a reality TV show.

Then there are the GOP celeb wanabes:

Newt Gingrich has been married three times, like a lot of your Hollywood celebs.

And Mitt Romney looks like central casting’s choice for the role of the president in a blockbuster disaster movie.

But they all can’t keep up with another candidate for GOP consideration: Donald Trump. Who is famous for being a celebrity.

GOP elected officials are saying The Donald can’t be taken seriously. But he holds the trump card: He doesn’t need Fox News or Limbaugh.

Maybe Charlie Sheen should enter the GOP field of possible candidates. He’s just been fired from “Two and a Half Men.” He already has a slogan: “I’m winning!” And he has tiger blood.

Add to all this that he broke the Guinness Book of World Records for Tweety followers — a million strong. Take that. Mama Grizzly.

And he’s an actor. Republicans like actors turned politicians. OK, so there was Ahh-nold —- but the biggest of them all was Saint Ronald Reagan.

Charlie made a lot better movies than The Gipper: “Platoon,” “Major League.” Heck, even “Red Dawn.”

Charlie would be a wild and crazy candidate (face it, the country is practically screaming for one of those.)

Imagine Charlie in a debate with Romney, Huckabee and Palin. He’d have the best line of the night: “Between the three of you there’s two and a half brains.”

Heck, recently Charlie even got an endorsement from some big shot in the Tea Party, who said Charlie was making more sense than Speaker of the House John Boehner.

And Charlie’s “two goddesses” know a little something about tea baggers.

Who will definitely not be a GOP candidate in 2012? How about Nevade Sen. John “Torpedoes, full speed ahead” Ensign, who announced Monday that he won’t seek re-election next year.

Ensign is the subject of a Senate ethics violation investigation. Not so very long ago, Ensign —- no rear Admiral he — admitted to having an extra-marital affair with his best friend’s wife. Ensign’s momma and poppa paid her off to keep something shut.

Some of the more serious contenders for the GOP crown did show up in Iowa on Monday.

Former Minnesota Gov. Tim Pawlenty got all God this and Christian that with the Heartland faithful. Ever the politician hypocrite, he’s got a polar opposite approach, just in case the he-man celeb thing catches fire with women voters who perceive Obama as testosterone-challenged.

Get ready for: “Good and Pawlenty!”

Meanwhile, Mike Huckabee tried his best to convince Iowans that he’s got tiger blood. But he was once again topped by Palin, who was a no-show but Tweeted that she has “tiger blood libel.”

And Mitt Romney wasn’t only not taken seriously, he was mistaken for someone else. The more elderly Iowans kept calling him Monty and said they wanted to make a deal for what was behind door number 3.

To all the potential candidates who will be done before they get started: Don’t let door number three hit you in the you-know-where when you bow out…..

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One Response to GOP celebrity roundup

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