Reptilemania

       You’ve got to figure that 220,000 Twitter followers can’t be wrong.
   That’s how many people with too much time on their hands rallied behind that deadly Egyptian cobra that went missing from the Bronx Zoo.
   The cobra has been found —- so let’s give a Bronx cheer. Still, the trendy support from the fine folks in the entertainment and political arenas are capitalizing on the snake’s short-lived fame.

   First from the world of show bidness:
   1. Lindsay Lohan said she’d rehab with it.
   2. Charlie Sheen said he traded in his tiger blood for reptile.
   3. The Ford Motor Company is considering producing the Shelby Cobra again with the reptile as it’s spokes-snake.
   4. Lady GaGa is ditching the meat dress and will wear the cobra’s shedded skin for her next live appearance.
   5. Judd “anal obsessive” Apatow has many ideas of where to put the cobra in his next bromance comedy.

In a related matter, it’s no April Fools joke, the powers that be at “Saturday Night Live” want the cobra to host the show. (Obviously Alice Cooper would be the musical guest.) The show’s writers have a knitted basket full of male genitalia comparison jokes they can’t wait to uncoil. Oh, hell with it, who needs the cobra, they’ll tell the jokes anyway.
   Meanwhile, other producers think they can capture lightning in a bottle if they can convince the bigwigs behind “Dancing with the Stars” to highlight the cobra introducing a new dance sensation sure to sweep the nation called “The Slither.”

Other ideas young hot shots have if they are going to capitalize on the reptile include ideas for TV shows, like:

1. “Charm School”: The cobra is a professor at a school in India where snake charmers learn their trade. The catch here — once the students land work, their jobs are outsourced to America.

2. “Hiss and Hers”: The cobra, who is female, has a sexual identity problem, which gets more complicated when it moves in with Rosie O’Donnell in this proposed weekly sitcom for the Bravo network.

3. “Sylvester Stallone presents Cobra”: In one of the many bombs he made in the 1980s, Sly brings back his police character “Cobra” Cabretti, but this time he’s just the voice of the animated cobra character.

Turning to the political side of the aisle, the cobra has pulled ahead of Mitt Romney and Newt Gingrich in a recent straw poll vote of contenders for the GOP presidential nomination in 2012.

OK, that is an April Fools joke. But it’s not far-fetched when you consider that Romney is a modern day snake oil salesman (and uses the product on his hair) and Gingrich is a reptile.

Speaking of slimey things, America’s Bully, Rush Limbaugh, is also getting in on the act. Since the cobra was running low on venom, he stepped up to the plate to donate.

Over at the news network the Bully controls, Fox was quick to blame President Obama for the deadly Egyptian cobra’s escape by not getting out in front of the story and to move to capture it.

Obama heard that Fox was riling up eveybody, so he waited too long again to address the nation — and when he did, all he said was that “it depends on the conditions on the ground” before he would decide to commit the National Guard to take any action.

Now that the snake has been captured and has become a folk hero, Obama will honor it at a White House event.

Fox News will then spread the fearmongering by saying Obama is going to let the cobra join in the Easter egg hunt on the White House lawn —– with our children!

Then the birthers will say Obama is a Hindu who was born in India because cobras are indigenous to that country.

Great, more hisssss-y fits.

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