Who let the muzzle dogs out

       Alan Simpson, the former Republican senator from Wyoming and now co-chairman of President Obama’s debt commission, always shoots from the lip.

Simpson’s latest hoot was calling out members of his own party for being a bunch of homophobes who are anti-woman and who champion family values while they have extra-marital affairs with their secretaries.

There must be some Republicans who would like to put a muzzle on Simpson. A real one —– not the hypothetical one like the free-speech group did with their Muzzle Awards, given to the worst offenders of the First Amendment in 2010.

Some of the winners included the obvious and deserving oil titan BP, and the TSA for their invasion of junk touching.

Who would be some of the winners so far this year? Not for the coveted Dick Cheney Lifetime Achievement Award for Violating First Amendment Rights, but for just needing a real-live muzzle. Here they are:

1. Donald Trump. Even before the apprentice presidential candidate decided to throw that thing on his head into the ring, this lump needed a muzzle. After all, muzzles are used on animals and heaven knows what kind of creature that is on his dome.

The latest Trumpism to tick a minority group off came this week when he said he has always had good relationships with “the blacks.”

Blacks may be a little sensitive on this one —- after all it’s “The Donald” speaking and it’s always with “the” included:

a. “The Donald” likes living among “the rich” because it’s not “the middle class.”

b. If “The Donald” is ever elected president he will run “the country” into “the ground.”

c. There was a movie years ago with a title that could be confused with the would-be title of his biography. You might remember it — “The Jerk.”

2. Sarah Palin. Roh-roh. The one who must be obeyed has slipped to second place. This is the longest ol’ “blood libel” has been away from the media where she hasn’t said something ignorant that lasted longer than one news cycle. No lipstick on a pit bull this time, but a muzzle. Maybe there’s been one on her and it’s been working. No such luck. She’ll be at the tea party rally this weekend in Wisconsin  (on the comeback trail so soon, Mama Grizzly?)

3. Glenn Beck. At times on his (not soon enough to be cancelled) Fox News Comedy Hour, he actually barks like a dog. Appropriate for a bone-head.

4. Rush Limbaugh. America’s Bully foams at the mouth like a rabid dog. A muzzle much like the one worn by Hannibal Lecter in “The Silence of the Lambs” is in order. Perfect for the Big Bull Dog who has the Republican Party on a short leash.

5. Michele Bachmann. The white tornado yaps and yaps like an annoying little toy poodle that needs constant attention. Rush Muzzle Order Now!

Honorable mention: President Obama. Yep, he needs a muzzle at every 20-minute mark of a speech —– especially when he comes across as professorial and/or technocratic. Earlier this week when Obama was giving a lengthy speech on the deficit, VP Joe Biden (no stranger he to someone who often needs a muzzle) was caught on camera in the audience dozing off for about 30 seconds. Poor Joe, he got confused. Maybe he thought Obama was talking about sleep deficit disorder and he was just being a good soldier.

In any event, the old cliche comes into play: Let sleeping dogs lie.

 Muzzle or not.
   

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