The White House Correspondents’ Dinner is next weekend. That’s when everybody’s a comedian —- including President Obama — when Washington pokes fun at its leaders and the media.
Seth Myers of “Saturday Night Live” will be this year’s host at the roast.
Myers is an OK choice —- he’s not as famous as previous hosts, like Jay Leno, who had the gig last year. So Myers could get away with the joke that he’s so unknown he could be a Republican candidate for president.
The roast would be a scream if someone like Chris Rock hosted it.
Jerry Seinfeld would be the safest choice.
Myers is more in the Seinfeld orbit than the out of this world Rock.
There will be plenty to choose from to get laughs. From Libya to high gas prices. From the economy to the 2012 election. And politicians and media-types are always fair game.
Here are some jokes that won’t be told:
1. “We were going to hold the dinner tonight in the nation’s first Capitol —- Philadelphia. But none of us could afford to pay for the gas to get there.”
2. “Sorry to hear, Mr. President, that as gas prices continue to go up, your poll numbers go down. Here’s an idea: Don’t tax the rich, just make them drive us where we need to go.”
3. “Bristol Palin is here. Guess this is just another time she couldn’t say no.”
4. “Last week the White House conducted the Easter Egg Hunt on the lawn. There was extra incentive this year as the kids were told they’d get to walk the White House dog if they could also find the president’s strategy for Libya.”
5.. “Donald Trump is in attendance. Wouldn’t it be ironic if the president’s real birth certificate was underneath that thing on The Donald’s head all along?”
6. “Rudy Giuliani is in the house. Yes, the former America’s Mayor. He doesn’t have the best seat in the house. He’s way in the back. I think the table number is 9/11.”
7. “Sarah Palin isn’t here tonight. She didn’t RSVP because she said she’s working on building up her foreign policy credentials. She says she already has a strategy in place on how to deal with New Mexico.”
8. “Rick Santorum is running for president. He’s the former senator from Pennsylvania, and about the only person who can give Michele Bachmann a run for the title of who’s more bat**** crazy.”
9. “Barney Frank is here tonight. He would rather be in England at the Royal Wedding. But with Elizabeth II and Elton John in attendance, the two families said there were already enough queens.”
10. “Bummer. One of Charlie Sheen’s ‘goddesses’ dumped him via text message. That’s nothing new, it’s the same way Newt Gingrich dumped his ex-wives.”
Jokes the president won’t be telling:
1. “The latest poll among Republicans shows that 56 percent are not satisfied with their field of candidates for president. This may be the first time a sitting president will have to run for re-election against ‘None of the above.’ “
2. “There’s no truth to the rumor that Tyler Perry is going to play my mother-in-law in his next movie “Madea’s Big Happy White House Family.”
3. “Sorry to see Keith Olbermann is not with MSNBC anymore. But he’s doing a heck of a job bussing tables tonight, isn’t he?”
4. “Sarah Palin respectfully declined being here tonight after she discovered she wouldn’t be allowed to shoot the chocolate mousse.”
5. “Correspondents from Fox News are here. They’re the ones looking closely at the menus just to make sure there are no cryptic messages being sent to my homegrown terrorists pals.”
6. “Seth Myers is our emcee tonight. What, Carrot Top wasn’t available?”
7. “Conservatives blame me for everything. I’m actually starting to feel guilty about that ‘Spider-Man’ Broadway fiasco.”
8. “Once again former VP Dick Cheney is not in the hizzy. He had a lot of encouragement from one of his hunting partners, who told him to give it a shot.”
9. “Recently I was locked out of the White House. Ya, Michelle wouldn’t let me back in until I promised to stop with the online poker.”
10. “My critics said I cared more about the NCAA Tournament than Libya. That’s not true. I cared more about the Bears not getting to the Super Bowl than I did Libya.”