Apocalypse not now

     Saturday is the one week anniversary when the world was supposed to end but, as we’re all aware of, did not.
   The California preacher who predicted that the world would say hasta la bye-bye has revised his doomsday prophecy.
   Evangelist Harold Camping says the world will now come to an end on October 21.
   On that day the planet will be blitzed by a fireball.
   This is the same guy who said Armageddon was going to happen in 1994. His excuse back then was that he made a mathematical error. Ya, not enough suckers added up to contribute to his crackpot prophecy to help make him a millionaire.
   Earlier this week Camping said he was sorry for the disappointment. Really, do we need to hear someone apologize for the world not coming to an end like he said it was going to?
   There’s probably a whole lot of fools out there that are disappointed that the Apocalypse didn’t happen.
   Let’s listen in on two such bozos:
   “Geez, Fred, I was looking forward to the world going kablooey.”
   “Same here. I was darn sure I would be one of those to make the final cut and not be left behind with these sinners to sift through the earthquakes, wade through the flood waters and have to try and survive through looting.”
   “What can I say but better luck next time. October 21, right?”
   “Yep. Although when you think of it, October doesn’t have the same feel as doomsday in May. Know what I mean?”

“Definitely. May is a beautiful month, full of hope springing eternal. The perfect season for the Almighty to let loose with the smite. It’s kind of like, you think you have it so good with the weather turning nice and then, Whamo!, deal with this Philistines!”

“I hear you. October is kind of a spooky month to begin with, what with Halloween looming and all. Not the same effect at all as Springtime at the Apocalypse.”

“Guess it will have to do.”

“If there’s a chill in the air, then the fireball will certainly heat things up right away.”

“Ya. How’s the Rapture gonna work? It has to happen before the fireball hits the Earth. Maybe we’ll be floating up to heaven just before the thing pummels the planet.”

“Gonna be close. Split-second timing and all that rot.”

“I’ll miss a lot of things. How about you?”

“Naw, wasn’t going to be any NFL anyway.”

“Doesn’t matter, I’m a Cleveland Browns fan.”

“What are you gonna do about your possessions?”

“Camping’s not giving any of his away, why should I?”

“What’s the use? Anyway, what’s someone gonna do with my ’74 Ford Pinto for five months anyway?”

“I always liked that car.”

“You want it? I’ll sell it to you cheap.”

“Ya, sure.”

“Needs a new engine. You can pay someone big bucks to do it, or you can rebuild the engine yourself.”

“How long would something like that take if I did it myself?”

“Oh, I’d say about four or five months, if you only work on it in your spare time.”

“I’ve always had a lot of time on my hands for a hobby —- but I’ve never been good at anything I’ve started.”

“Then this will be perfect for you. Let’s talk price.”

“Can I pay it off in installments, say over five months?”

“You drive a hard bargain. Sure, why not. I’ll just put this sign in the trash then.”

“What’s it say anyway?”

“World going out of business sale….”

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