The fast talker

     Mitt Romney is going to officially announce on Thursday that he is a candidate for the Republican nomination for president in 2012.

As Larry David’s comedy series on HBO says, “Curb Your Enthusiasm.”

Listening to Romney on the news Monday morning, one thing comes immediately to mind: He’s a fast talker.

He is reminiscent of the announcer at the Kentucky Derby:

“And down the stretch they come. Leading the field is “Fast-Talkin’ Mitt” —- but close on his heels is the fillie “Mama Grizzly.” And there’s “Paw-lenty of Nothing” bringing up the rear.”

A fast-talker like Mitt could be in an episode of “Seinfeld” called “The Fast-talkin’ Mormon.” Here’s a segment of the episode. 

    Fade in: George and Jerry at Monk’s Restaurant:

George: “Is Elaine still seeing the fast-talker.”

Jerry: “Ya. The guy is amazing, really. He talks like he has to be somewhere before he finishes the question you asked him.”

George: What’s he do for a living anyway?”

Jerry: “He’s got the perfect job, he does voice-overs for commercials. He actually holds the record for saying the most words in a TV spot: 200 words in 30 seconds.”

George: “Small potatoes. My father can  top that —- especially when he’s talking to strangers about his son George’s shortcomings.”

Jerry: “And get this, the guy is a Mormon.”

George: “What the hell is a Mormon anyway? Isn’t that a cult? Hey, name your favorite cult. C’mon, c’mon, best cult ever!”

Jerry: “My favorite cult? Who are you, Charles Manson? You know, being a Mormon has its advantages. They’re polygamists. They can have many wives. That’s a goldmine for comedians: dozens of mother-in-law jokes at the ready.”

George: “Those Mormon women are kind of sexy though, huh? They wear their hair in those buns —- and they’re dressed from head to toe. All covered up. Nothing exposed. I find that strangely titillating.”

Jerry: “You’re still not getting any professional help, are you?”

George: “Help, smelp. Let’s hurry up and order something to eat. I promised Susan I’d attend one of her Scientology classes.”

Jerry: “Scientology? Scientology is a cult, my friend.”

George: “I used to think so, but Susan convinced me it isn’t.”

Jerry: “Susan convinced you.”

George: “Ya. And…?”

Jerry: “I’m just saying.”

George: “Well, it’s been getting a bad rap, and George has to put his foot down on this one!”

Jerry: “George is defending Scientology?”

George: “Yes! It’s George for the defense.”

[Elaine enters the restaurant, slams her purse down on the table and sits down next to Jerry]
    Jerry: “Laney!”

Elaine: “Well, it’s over.”

Jerry: “With the fast-talkin’ Mormon? What happened?”

Elaine: “Let’s put it this way, talking wasn’t the only thing he was fast at.”

George: “Really?”

Elaine: “A latter-day saint, he ain’t.”

George: “Guess he’s all talk and no action.”

Jerry: “Why don’t you go with George and Susan to one of her classes? Maybe you’ll meet a Scientologist.”

Elaine: “Naw. I’m through with guys who belong to cults.”

George: “Ah, c’mon!”

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