Gimme that old time religion and politics

      The Minnesota Twits, former Gov. Tim Pawlenty and Congresswoman Michele Bachmann, both Republican presidential hopefuls, are bad-mouthing each other on the campaign trail.
     He said, she said is starting to give their individual campaigns and their supporters —- wait for it —- migraines.
     But at least they’ve both got that God thing going for them.
     Pawlenty says “God is in charge.” 
     Hard to argue that.
     Bachmann, meanwhile, is still taking flak for her and her hubby’s clinic maintaining that they can get homosexuals to “pray away the gay.”
     Guess the Bachmann’s weren’t in New York City on Sunday when same-sex marriages were being held hanging off to the side with clinic pamplets whispering to couples, “Pssst…check this out.”
     Not to worry, sports fans, this is all about to get a whole lot worse —- but more fun —- when Texas Gov. Rick “secede from the Union” Perry enters the GOP race for the White House.
     And why not a Texas governor in the White House? Look how well that worked out the last time.
     The comparisons between Perry and George W. Bush are minimal, but will be magnified in a general election.
     Perry is going to conduct this big Christian get-together soon in a Texas-sized football stadium. Maybe then he’ll make it official and announce that God told him to run for president.
     Soon after it will be divulged that Perry is dyslexic and in fact it was his dog that told him to run.
     A recent poll taken showed that 56 percent surveyed thought a presidential candidate should have strong religious beliefs.
     Of course the same percent, 56, didn’t know that Mitt Romney is a Mormon.
     But 56 percent said they thought Sarah Palin is a moron.
     Ok, that’s not true. It was only 30 percent.
     Naturally 16 percent thought President Obama was a Muslim. That same 16 percent said they never leave home and don’t change the channel from Fox News because they believe their dead pets are speaking through Sean Hannity and telling them what waits for them on the other side.
     Get this, 4 percent thought the president was Catholic, but that he’ll probably convert to Islam before it’s all said and done.
     OK, the second part to that isn’t true. Only 2 percent thought that.
     Other things in the poll that went unreported:
     1. 42% believe when Jesus comes back to Earth he’ll want his own show on HBO, co-hosted by Glenn Beck.
     2. 23% believe there were only 11 apostles and that one’s name was Mitt.
     3. 31% swear that they read somewhere in the Old Testament that Satan was also refered to as Barack.
     4. 54% want Michele Bachmann to “pray and go away.”
     5. 48% believe if you don’t vote Republican in the next election, God will make you or someone in your family impotent.

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