The new crazy

          The Republican Party needs to move further to the right-wing nut faction even faster.
   The more berserko grande the better.
   The GOP has to ditch primaries and immediately pick nutjobs Texas Gov. Rick “I feel the need to secede” Perry for president and Michele “Corndog” Bachmann as his running mate.
   Perry’s motto could be “Secession, not Recession.”
   Although the ticket’s campaign slogan should be “Perry and Scary,” something like “Swagger and Nagger” or “Secede and Nosebleed” could also work.
   And they’ve got to come up with crazier things to say. None of this lame “I’m a job creator” malarkey. Leave that to wet noodles like Mitt Romney.
   No one has a plan on how to get America back to work, and none of these candidates are job creators. Perry brags that 40 percent of the jobs created in America recently came from Texas. He’s right, low-paying jobs and military jobs that are, yep, government-payin’. And Texas also put a lot of people to work by accepting stimulus money the Obama administration dished out.
    It’s true that Bachmann created her own company with her hubby. So they created jobs for themselves.
    And Mitt once ran Bain Capital and cut American jobs by terminating workers or shipping our jobs overseas. He made a lot of money for at least one American: Himself.
   So the GOP candidates have to do what they’re best at doing to beat President Obama in 2012: They have to rely on social issues and striking the fear of God into voters.
   Keep America Angry: Eventually Americans will go after each other. Hey, a new Civil War. Maybe this is what was always meant as “The South Will Rise Again.” They won’t win this time either. But it won’t be for trying, as they strike the fear into people like this: there are those below your station in life who are getting what they don’t deserve —- and they didn’t work as hard at it or sacrificed as much as you and your family.
   Keep America Stupid: Keep slashing funding for education. More children should be learnin’ to drop their “Gs” when speakin.’ Don’t be concerned about our kids falling behind children in other countries because God is on our side and he’ll take care of America. After all, we live in the Chosen Country and we’re a Christian nation.
   Keep Shouting Down Big Government: It’s there to help the less fortunate and who needs them? The GOP will bamboozle you into believing that someday you too will become wealthy. Meanwhile, they’re taking federal Benjamins for their state that was part of Obama’s stimulus plan. But that somehow goes unreported by the media, because it’s either the cheering section for the right wing-nuts or it’s too timid to report it.
   Keep Americans Complacent: The GOP revels in calling Hollywood the Evil Empire, but it knows a good diversion when it sees it, and TV and movies fit the bill. Brainless reality shows, dancing with washed-up stars, numbskulls from Jersey and a daily infestation of lame sitcoms, ignorant and insulting commercials, or in movies, dim-witted rom-coms, keep the American brain from thinking. Period. Plenty of beer and the remote after a day of working hard in America the Beautiful suits the complacent just fine, thank you.
   Take America Back: Ya, to 1911. The good ole days. Hey, that’s the year Ronald Reagan was born. Speaking of the Gipper, the radical right wing-nuts of Perry and Scary should start now and pressure the Vatican into canonizing Reagan into sainthood. If the Vatican doesn’t comply, the alternative is that the Notre Dame football team will be fielded by devout Catholic elderly old ladies.
   If that’s not berserko enough, consider these:
   The government will only fund red states devastated by natural disasters. Blue or purple states, you’re on your own. A lottery will be established especially for California: Pick the date the Big One will hit the Golden State. The winner will not only win a seat at the table of a Republican fundraiser, but be the American chosen to send California off into the Pacific like he or she was christening a Navy vessel.
   That takes care of the Left Coast. As for the East Coast, there’s a plan for New York City: All gays and same-sex marriage couples will be forced to live in the Big Apple. Internment camps will be set up on Broadway. The ambience will make it seem less hostile.
   Get rid of the DMV: That’s where illegals get their illegal driver’s licenses. If a white person is driving, it’s a given that he or she already has a driver’s license.
   These are uncertain times. Maybe they call for an uncertain kind of new leader so far to the right and conservative they make Barry Goldwater look like George McGovern.
   Perry and Bachmann are so radical in their rhetoric even “Bush’s Brain” Karl “Turdblossom” Rove is saying WTF. It’s about time a crud like Rove started to fear something. Although one has to wonder if he’s putting on an act. If not, how soon will he come around to the right wing-nut way of thinkin’?
   Romney is starting to show signs he wants to travel in that direction. Not certain yet if it’s too late in the game for the flip-flopper to be accepted as a convert. He may have to drop that Mormon thing.
   The Republican field (or what’s left of it) can also be referred to as the “Fox News Ready for Primetime Players.”
   As stated before in this blog, Fox doesn’t have a dog in this race, it has the Iditarod.
   And if cliches are like miracles and do come true, every dog has its day.
   And the Republican right wing-nuts are rabid.
   It’s no longer “lipstick on a pit bull.”
   It’s blood.
   Perry said of Fed Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke that if he came to Texas they’d “get ugly” on him.
   It’s already getting ugly out there.
   And crazy is about to cowboy up with it to give creedance to the tired media cliche “the new normal.”
   Watch your back, America.

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