Throw caution to the wind

              Gods, guns and the GOP.
         Texas cowboy Gov. Rick “I feel the need to secede” Perry is number one with a bullet as far as leading the field of candidates for the Republican presidential nomination.
         Of course the rootin’-tootin’ come out shootin’ cowboy would be ahead in this specific poll of the presidential horse race —- it’s the Gallup.
         Perry, having only offically announced his run for president two weeks ago, has catapulted ahead of former frontrunner Mitt Romney by double digits, 29 percent to 17 percent.
         Romney looked rattled on the campaign trail Thursday when a reporter asked him about losing the frontrunner status this soon to Perry. “I’m just one of the guys in the race,” he said, unconvincingly.
         So, Mitt, that must mean you’re not different than the rest of the rabid hyenas in the pack.
         The richest man to run for president, lately, also flip-flopped again. In June, Mitt said he believed that it wasn’t out of the question that global warming was man-made. On Thursday, he said “I don’t know if climate change is caused by humans.”
         Do you need any crumpets for that tea party, Mitt?
         Speaking of doomsday scenarios, millions of people are facing mandatory evacuations along the Eastern Seaboard because Hurricane Irene appears to be heading that way.
         But no one can evacuate President Obama from the golf course on Martha’s Vineyard. His critics are saying he doesn’t care. To be fair, we don’t need the president to be in the White House right now going on the airwaves yelling, “Danger, Will Robinson!”
         That’s why we have the media.
         You can always tell when the TV media is freaking out and warning people to take cover and get their provisions: female reporters will be wearing baseball caps snug firmly on the top of their pretty little heads, in areas expected to be hit.
         Governors of at least three states in the possible path of Irene are Republicans, and therefore anti-government. So they won’ t accept any government money if their states are devastated.
         Maybe they can ask Mitt.
         Who knows, maybe one day they’ll name a hurricane after him.

            Speaking of blowhards, former Vice President Dick Cheney’s memoirs will be in bookstores everywhere soon.
        No truth to the rumor that the forward was written by his daughter Liz, who signed it Electra (Google it.)
        In early interviews, the former VP sneered that “heads will be exploding all over Washington.”
        What a pleasant thought there, Mr. Congeniality.
        Perfect terminology from the Wizard of Waterboarding.
        A book critic who hates it has a ready-made one-line waiting: “Getting through Cheney’s book was pure torture.”
        Things in Cheney’s book that were left out:
        1. Every national security meeting began with a prayer and ended when the paramedics had to be called in because Cheney was having another heart attack.
        2. Originally, a kinder, gentler approach was taken to the book to let the reader get to accept the “real” Cheney. The title was going to be called “You Don’t Know Dick.”
        3. After the debacle in Iraq and no weapons of mass destruction were found after all, Cheney started referring to his boss as President George WMD Bush.
        4. He’s able to sneer through the entire Gettysburgh Address.
        5. In high school he was ironically nicknamed Deadeye Dick and was voted most likely to shoot a guy in the face while hunting.

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