No Gipper in the bunch

       The Republican Presidential Candidates’ Debate took place at the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library. You know, the GOP’s Bethlehem.
     The eight candidates invoked Reagan’s name as if he was Jesus. Or in Mitt Romney’s case, Joseph Smith.
     Reagan was an OK president, but even he couldn’t walk across the Reflecting Pool.
     It would’ve been a safe bet that Romney would’ve mentioned he believes that President Obama is a failure or has failed at least 10 times. And that’s just in his opening remarks.
     Michele Bachmann, whose poll numbers for the GOP nod are falling faster than President Obama’s job approval rating, just can’t stop mentioning how she’ll repeal Obamacare. Probably because it doesn’t cover migraines.
     Rick Perry dissed Washington, D.C. Why does everybody who disses the Nation’s Capitol want to work there?
He also doubled-down on his Social Security is a Ponzi scheme theme, which he wrote in his book “Fed Up!” Guess he wanted to secede from that remark.
     No memorable one-liners were registered.
     It would’ve been funny had NBC Nightly News anchor Brian Williams asked Perry if he dyes his hair, and Perry would’ve responded with “No, Michele Bachmann and her husband helped me pray away the gray.”
     Newt Gingrich, the Ghost of Conservatives Past, was the elephant in the room. And will be until he drops out, or if real life fat bastard New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie enters the race.
     Beforehand, if you guessed the number of times candidates would mention George W. Bush’s name was a goose egg, you weren’t far off. W.’s name was mentioned once, in a dubious context , of course. Romney snipped at Perry that W. created more jobs in Texas when he was governor. Once again, W.’s name is connected to an insult to a rival.
        Things going through the GOP candidates’ heads when they didn’t have the floor. It’s up to you to guess who was saying what. Here we go:
        1. “If the middle-class thinks it’s screwed now, wait until Romney and his money men get in. They won’t even buy the poor SOBs dinner first.”
        2. “Ron Paul has about as much chance of getting the Republican nomination as Ru Paul.”
        3. “Newt Gingrich reminds me of the guy who’s always the first to show up way too early for a party. If you’re  the host, you have no choice but listen to him until the other guests arrive.”
        4. “That roofie I slipped into Perry’s glass of water should’ve taken effect by now.”
        5. “I can’t wait until the debate hosted by Fox News. They give you the questions beforehead.”


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