Take us to your fearless leader

        Guess none of the current crop of Republican presidential candidates have that “X Factor.”
      Now there’s talk that rotund Gov. Chris Christie of New Jersey is being courted to run.
      He’s still saying  no. They just haven’t offered him the right bait. Keep trying. He just doesn’t have the appetite for it right now.
      Still and all, Christie is going to speak at the Deity Ronald Reagan Library on Tuesday.
       The Fox News Republican presidential debate in Florida last week didn’t start off with the Foxholes who were moderating the forum asking the audience to give it up for those recent executions in Georgia and Texas.
      But some people in the audience booed a serviceman in Iraq who asked a question about gays in the military, while at the same time confirming he was gay.
      GOP contender Rick Santorum was asked the question and later said he didn’t hear the boos. That’s understandable, since the boos were drowned out by all those voices in Santorum’s head.
      Other candidates said they heard the boos, but never did respond —- or follow up on the question.
      Where was your “choots-paw” Michele Bachmann? You could have at least asked the gay service guy if he’d consider seeing your husband. And to also have her husband to pray away your gay.
        The more one sees of these GOP candidates debate, the more they come off like they could be characters from children’s literature. Since Bachmann is the only woman in the field of eight candidates, they could be referred to as “Lily White and the Seven Dorks.”
        Add Christie to the mix and the Humpty Dumpty references will fit right in with the Mad Hatters of the tea party in an “Alice in Wonderland” retelling, only this time called “Malice in Wonderland.”
        The day after the debate, Mitt Romney told the Conservative Action Committee that to be against illegal immigration you need to have a heart and a brain. This from a character who lacks courage.
        Millionaire Mitt was off to see the wizard, the buffoon tycoon Donald Trump, for a meet and greet on Monday.
        Time was when Republican presidential hopefuls had an audience with uber-evangelist Billy Graham, who knows God personally. Now they all take turns worshipping at the altar of The Donald, the ultimate false idol.
        Money is accepted religiously in presidential politics.
        God is the almighty —- but even he’s no match for the almighty dollar.
      Things overheard when Mitt met The Donald over brunch on Monday:
      1. “The Republican National Committee is picking up the tab for this, right?”
      2. “Have you ever considered using hair gel on that thing on your head?”
      3. “Rick Perry’s a yokel. When we had dinner he acted like it was the first time he ever used silverware.”
      4. “You’re an inspiration. You fired more Americans when you were with Bain Capital than I ever will on ‘The Apprentice.’ “
      5. “I know what it’s like to be a Mormon. I had three wives.”
      6. “I’m not looking forward to Chris Christie entering the race for president and seeing him eat dinner. This thing on my head wouldn’t even be safe.”
      7. “It would be an “enormous” decision on Christie’s part to enter the race.”
      8. “He could convince voters that they can live off the fat of the land, because he is the fat of the land.”
      9. “He can conduct a town hall meeting and call it “Chewing the Fat with Christie.”
      10. “He’s so fat, if he entered the race a poll would show him in first, second and third place.”
         Cain able: Mama mia! The former CEO of Godfather’s Pizza, Hermain Cain, won the GOP Florida vote. Cain is the only black candidate seeking the Republican nomination for president, and the only African American in the Republican Party.
         Pundits are saying the Cain win was the voters sending the GOP a message that they’re not satisfied with the field of candidates. What, they don’t seriously think conservatives would nominate Cain so there could be a black man from both parties seeking the presidency?
         Not even if ol’ Herm made them an offer they couldn’t refuse. Believe it that there is no offer he could make that they couldn’t refuse. Not even if he put Bachmann on the ticket (which would make the campaign slogan Cain and Insane.)
         Meat the Press: Michele Bachmann —- this election cycle’s Rudy Guiliani, in that she mentions the word Obamacare as many times as Rudy name-drops 9/11 — had a bad photo-op day last week.
         She was at a meat packing company in Des Moines, Iowa. Too many weird images and cheap shot sexual innuendo associated with this caampaign stump. Make up your own joke sabout her pulling a Rocky and pounding away at slabs of hanging meat.
         Then she went and tried on Lady Ga Ga’s meat dress.
         OK, that’s not true.
         Her husband did.

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