It’s obvious that Republican presidential hopeful Mitt Romney will say and do anything to get elected.
Romney is full of a lot of things, but not surprises. He tends to play it too safe. That’s why he should consider breaking out from the pack and record an album.
Mitt does have that Andy Williams thing going for him. Coincidentally, Andy discovered the Osmonds, who are Mormons.
Romney looks like one of those lounge lizards you might see performing at a venue in Vegas. He also looks like he could’ve been in Frank Sinatra’s Rat Pack, although he’d be the foppish Peter Lawford.
The King of Flip-Flop’s appropriate album title would be the classic ’60s song written by Joni Mitchell and made famous by Judy Collins, “Both Sides Now.”
The album would offer an eclectic selection of tunes retitled to suit Mitt’s personality. The selections will range from remakes of ’60s pop tunes to R.E.M. to Mitt’s favorite Broadway and movie musicals, like “GiGi,” “My Fair Lady,” “South Pacific,” and “West Side Story.” There’s even a take on a pseudo-jazz classic.
Here’s the album’s itinerary:
1. “Losing My Religion (So I can get the evangelical support)”
2. “If You Wanna Be Happy for the Rest of Your Life (Never Make Just One Woman Your Wife)”
3. “I’m Gonna Wash that Gel right outta My Hair”
4. “I’ve Grown Accustomed to being a Two-Face”
1. “I Feel Mitty”
2. “The Night They Invented Campaigns”
3. “With a Little Help from My ‘Fox & Friends’ “
4. “When the Latter-Day Saints Go Marchin’ In”
Mitt can once again be the frontrunner of the GOP presidential field by being the first to record an album. Consider the possibilities if the other candidates decided to go musical.
Jon Huntsman is disqualified because he actually was in a rock band in his younger days. He’s too professional. Besides no one’s listening to him because he makes too much sense.
Consider Texas Governor Rick Perry Como. He’ll open every “Capital Punishment Hour at the Palace” with his show-stopping rendition of Sinatra’s “That’s Life.” But with new lyrics like: “That’s life. That’s what people say. Found guilty in April. Executed in May…”
There’s a comeback tour in the making when a 1970s pop group hits the road again as Michele Bachmann Turner Overdrive.
Or the folk singing new sensation Ron Paul Simon. “I know I’m fakin’ it…. not really makin’ it….”
Mr. Cain the Pizza Guy can replace Peter Noone with a new version of Herman’s Hermits. But he’ll cover a Beatles song from their “White Album” under the new title “Revolution No. 999.”
Finally there’s candidate Rick Santorum. He’s in dire need of a lot of things, so he can come out as Cheap Rick with the campaign theme song “I Want You To Want Me.”
Who knows, maybe album sales could help those cash-strapped campaigns.
Though it remains to be seen if anybody would actually pay to hear Newt Gingrich sing “I Gotta Be Me.”