The Iowa Republican Reagan Dinner on Friday was without GOP frontrunners Herman Cain and Mitt Romney.
Cain is busy dodging reporters about his women problems. Romney is Mitting in Action again, laying low, keeping his distance about commenting on the firestorm engulfing his closest competitor.
Romney will occasionally pop up in a sound bite whenever he has to change his position on any given issue. He’s the adult counselor at the summer camp that is the field of GOP presidential hopefuls.
It’s been a bad week for Cain, what with the alleged sexual harassment charges. He has blamed the women in question, the media and Rick Perry’s campaign for the “high-tech lynching.”
When Cain blamed the media, he of course didin’t mean Fox News, which provided him protection. Fox News, the Trojan condoms of news organizations for GOP politicians who promote values, only to have their hypocrasy exposed.
The Reagan dinner is just another chance to worship the 40th president. They should have the GOP presidential contenders seated next to one another at a long table so it can resemble Da Vinci’s The Last Supper —– which in this day and age would cost fundraisers $25,000 a pop just to hear how Ronald Reagan could change water into wine.
It would be fun if a comic tapped as emcee of the dinner threw out his prepared script and went with one not previously approved for consumption by big campaign contributors:
“Welcome to the Iowa Republican Reagan Dinner, or as it’s also called, Occupy Fort Knox.
I haven’t seen this many fat cats in one place since the Chris Christie family dressed up like characters from “The Lion King” for Halloween.
President Reagan would’ve been here tonight, but he’s dead.
Speaking of someone whose job is on life support, President Obama is at the G-20 summit in France. You know, where socialists meet and greet with Muslims and abortion doctors.
When Sean Hannity asked Sarah Palin what came to mind when she hears G-20, she said “bingo.”
But seriously folks, there’s so much jewelry here tonight, I thought I was having dinner at the Gingriches.
I see Rick Santorum is here. I don’t want to say he has a steep climb to get the nomination, but everybody kept mistaking him for the maitre d.
Michele Bachmann is here with her husband Marcus. You might recognize Marcus, he was Kim Kardashian’s wedding planner.
But I wanna tell ya, Mitt Romney isn’t here tonight. Turns out he was for an RSVP before he was against it.
And Herman Cain is also a no-show. OK, so he has some problems with sexual harassment. And it couldn’t come at a worse time —– not because he’s running for president, but because he was prepared to release a line of his food products. A lot of the products sound good, but I’d stay away from his recipe for secret sauce.
And isn’t it good to be in Iowa, home of Hawkeye football and, well that’s about it.
I don’t want to say there’s a lot of evangelicals in this state, but the favorite bumper sticker here isn’t “Baby on Board” but “I don’t brake for Catholics.”
In closing, remember to be good to your parents, because they live longer in Iowa and you have to wait longer for them to kick and remember you in the will.
Try the veal, even though at one time it was probably a Friday night date for the guy you’re pressing the flesh with…”
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