That Muslim, antichrist, socialist, pal of homegrown terrorists in the White House forgot to thank God again on Thanksgiving.
The president did pardon two turkeys —- Dick Cheney and George W. Bush for crimes against humanity. Bada-bing! OK, they were two real turkeys. Obama did so on cameraaccompanied by his daughters, who were facing Mecca.
Immediately after doing so, Mitt Romney sniped to the press that President Obama failed at pardoning the turkeys.
“I’ve pardoned turkeys when I was governor of Massachusetts and when I was in the private sector. I know how to pardon turkeys. This president has failed at pardoning turkeys.”
How would Republicans running for the presidential nomination treat the Thanksgiving tradition if they were president? Well:
Texas Gov. Rick “Oops” Perry would personally execute them live on camera at a press conference in the Yellow Rose of Texas Garden.
Ron Paul would compare their turkey necks to his own.
Michelle Bachmann would make sure they were off Obamacare while her husband dressed them in “Cabaret” wardrobe.
Herman Cain would pardon three turkeys so he could give them all the same number: 9-9-9.
Speaking of Cain, he said that if he’s elected president he wants his Secret Service code name to be “Cornbread.”
You would think that with all his controversy of allegedly sexually harassing women and him being the former CEO of Godfather’s Pizza, he might choose the moniker “Sausage.”
What might the GOP contenders not necessarily choose, but maybe be called by a code name the Secret Service has for them? Well:
1. Mitt Romney: “The Lyin’ King”
2. Newt Gingrich: “Reptile”
3. Michele Bachmann: “Bubblegum”
4. Rick Perry: “Cow Pie”
5. Rick Santorum: “This Guy’s President?”
6. Jon Huntsman: “Hot Daughters”
7. Herman Cain: “Crazy Bread”
8. Ron Paul: “Dead Man Walking”
Speaking of Ron Paul, he recently whined that he wasn’t getting enough air time at the debates, and that one in particular saw him get only 89 seconds.
It is not a scientific or medical fact, yet, but it might be proven somewhere that having to listen to Ron Paul for more than 89 seconds could cause some peoples’ ears to start bleeding.
Meanwhile, Newt Gingrich suggested that schools should fire the union janitors and have just one main supervisor, with the schoolkids working as custodians. They would make money, learn about work and take more pride in their school, he chortled.
“Why Johnny Can’t Scrub Toilets” would be the new curriculum in grade schools.
Ya, Newt, just what every kid wants — to stay after school to mop floors.
Sure, it’s like detention, but with pay lower than minimum wage.
What an incentive. Maybe you can get some of the kids to also work in the cafeteria and wear fishnets in their hair.
It doesn’t take much to humiliate some kids in the first place, and now this?
Start feeding them gruel while you’re at it.
There’s already a cast sytem in schools, with the more affluent students looking down on the middle-or-lower class kids.
Whose children are going to need to make money at age 12 because daddy lost his job that was outsourced to India by some fat cat Republican corporation?
Not Granpa Romney’s tykes.
They’re too busy being Gingrich’s Tiffany’s connection.
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