Strange Bedfellows

 Whoever coined the phrase “politics makes strange bedfellows” could never have imagined the 2012 Republican presidential nomination race.
 The week started off with the all-important newspaper the Manchester, New Hampshire Union-Leader endorsing Newt Gingrich for the GOP presidential nomination.
 It was kind of a back-handed compliment, because the newspaper was quick to add that while Newt is the most conservative of the bunch he is “not the perfect candidate.” Sort of like saying he’s the less of eight weasels.
 Newt welcomed the endorsement, but he just had to respond to the “not the perfect candidate” zinger by adding “nobody but Christ has been perfect.”
 So since we can’t have Jesus, we’ll settle for Newt.
 Of course the endorsement was a slap in the two-faces of former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney.
 The newspaper not only said that Mitt wasn’t conservative enough, but it basically called him out as a flip-flopper. Adding insult to insult, they also pegged him as the candidate of the top one percent of the wealthiest in the country.
 You might think that odd, since it’s basically the GOP platform.
 Better to go with Newt, who always flies Southwest because that airline won’t charge him for all that baggage he brings with him.
 Newt will probably get a pass from the evangelicals and its party of family values —- even though he’s been married three times (and was cheating on his wife while he was spear-heading the impeachment of Bill Clinton for getting a Lewinsky.)
 At least Newt converted to Catholicism, which you might think wouldn’t sit well with evangelicals. But you’d be wrong, excommunicated breath. That religion’s pro-life stance, coupled with the conservative Catholics on the Supreme Court, should play in Newt’s favor.
 Newt as one, two, three times a lady’s man pales in comparison to poor ol’ Herman Cain.
 After dodging the three or four women who accused him of sexual harasment while he was in charge of the National Restaurant Association (the other NRA) in the 1990s, he is now confronted with another scandal. A woman has gone public, which means a lot of face-time on cable news networks, alleging a 13-year love affair with the presidential candidate.
 The woman, whose name is Ginger (Mary Ann should be along shortly with her accusations), said she accompanied Cain on business trips, was lavished with gifts from him and even has phone records of him calling her in the wee small hours of the morning.
 For his part, Cain acknowledged that he does know the woman, but that he was helping her out financially.
 He hasn’t provided further details yet, but for his sake the details better make more sense than his 9-9-9 plan.
 Speaking of that, Cain has produced a 6-minute movie (what, he couldn’t make it 9?) ‘splaining his tax plan.
 It doesn’t have a theme song. But there could be one, not for his 9-9-9 plan, but rather for his philandering.
 So, sung to the tune “Love Train” made famous in the 1970s by the OJays, here’s “Cain Love Train”:

    “Woman all over America
     hop on board
     the Cain Love Train,
     Love Train….
     “The next stop we make will be Gilligan’s Island.
     Tell Ginger, Mary Ann and Lovey, too.
     We still dream of Jeannie,
     and Samantha we haven’t forgot, forgot about you. ooo….

     “Women all over America
     hop on board
     the Cain Love Train
     Love Train…

     “Tell all the women in Petticoat Junction
     and in the Brady household, too.
     Just ask June Cleaver
     how financially I can help you, ooo….

    “Women all over America
    hop on board
    the Cain Love Train
    Love Train….”

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