Field of Dweebs, 2012 edition

     Tuesday is the big day for the Republican presidential candidates to win, place or show in Iowa.
  Like the classic baseball movie “Field of Dreams” asked, “Is this heaven? No, it’s Iowa.”
  The polls are saying Mitt Romney is going to be in seventh heaven when the Iowa caucus is in the books.
  Romney is so over-confident of winning in Iowa, he’s willing to bet anybody $10,000.
  Newt Gingrich has pretty much conceded, putting the blame for his eventual poor showing on all the negative ads piled on him. It’s called karma, Newt.
  Rick Perry can’t remember three reasons why he’ll do better than the polls are indicating. “Let’s see, I’m good enough, smart enough, and… uh… can’t name the third one. Oops.”
  Ron Paul wandered off from a stump speech, but they found him a half hour later in a laundromat yelling at a washer on spin cycle that he can’t get any other channels on this dang TV.
  Rick Santorum is still in a state of shock that he’s surged in the polls at the right time. So much so that he put his signature sweater vest on inside-out.
  And Michele Bachmann said she’s praying for a miracle come Tuesday. Ya, her and her hubby are praying her supporters won’t stray. She thought of enlisting Denver Broncos QB Tim Tebow to conjur up some divine intervention, but that hasn’t been working out too well for him the last few weeks. Besides, he’s busy enough praying for support from on high — he has to face the Pittsburgh Steelers this weekend.
  Mitt Romney has been so confident of winning he’s actually showing his lighter side. Mr. Roboto has a lighter side? Doing that Top Ten List on Letterman gave him confidence. The material was cutting edge, but Mitt didn’t cut it.
  His funny analogy worked when he compared Newt Gingrich’s disorganized campaign staff being in over their heads to the “I Love Lucy” classic episode where Lucy couldn’t keep up with the conveyor belt output in the chocolate factory.
  The comic analogy probably wasn’t off the cuff (nothing Romney says or does is done without being carefully scripted) but it was the final nail in Newt’s political coffin.
  People off all ages know that Lucy episode.
  Mitt wasn’t so successful trying to be more hip with his one-liner about the Obama presidency working as well as a Kardashian wedding.
  Mitt isn’t aware of the old comic axiom of “too soon” with the Kardashians line. It works for late night comics, but politicians just can’t sell it to a hip crowd. Stick to the classics, Willard.
  Maybe if Mitt doesn’t win he can contribute 1970s TV pop culture references to Quentin Tarantino movie scripts.
  He could start with “This president’s presidency has jumped the shark.”
  While Mitt has the TV side covered, Bachmann is more in line with movies. In fact, she says she wants to be known as America’s “Iron Lady.” This is in reference to the new biopic of Great Britain’s former Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher, played by Meryl Streep.
  One miracle at a time, please, Madame President.
  Keeping with the GOP candidates and their penchant for assocating with modern pop culture:
      1. All the GOP candidates are Reaganphiles, children of the father of modern conservatism. Otherwise, by proxy they’re “The Descendants.”
      2. He lost in 2008 in Iowa, and ultimately the GOP presidential nomination. But now he’s back and being groomed as the party’s standard-bearer. It’s Mitt Romney, and he’s no longer one of the political “Bridesmaids.”
      3. More Mitt: Conservatives unite! He may be a moderate in right-wing clothing, but only Mitt Romney has a “50/50″ chance of beating Barack Obama.
     Newt Gingrich? Ron Paul? Rick Santorum? That would be “Mission: Impossible.”

     4. And don’t miss an MSNBC inbed reporter’s special segment on “The Rachel Maddow Show” when he reports on “My Week with Michele.”
      5. Two things to look for the night of the Iowa caucus: the cheering and the photo finish to win, place and show. Or as the two might be called: “Extremely Loud and Incredible Close.”
      Of course, the same title could be used if you were in the crowd and had a face-to-face chat with Bachmann.

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