Jonny, we hardly knew you

      Former Utah Gov. Jon Huntsman bowed out of the Republican presidential sweepstakes on Monday.
   The fact that he was getting as much traction after placing third in the New Hampshire Primary as a Ford Pinto stuck in quicksand may have played a big part in his decision.
   That and the fact that in the South Carolina Primary this Saturday he’s polling behind native son Stephen Colbert. Yes, that Stephen Colbert of Comedy Central’s “Colbert Report.”
   If Huntsman has learned anything from his time in the Orient as ambassador to China it’s to know when to save face.
   Too bad. Huntsman was the best of the crop of circus geeks running in the GOP primary. He’s the guy who tweeted ‘call me crazy but I believe in global warming and science.’
   And his wife and daughters are hot.
   But in quitting his run for the nomination, Huntsman disappoints.
   He threw his support behind Mitt “I like to be able to fire people” Romney.
   Theory here is that he’s hoping to be Secretary of State should Mitt “Corporations are people, too” Romney defeat President Obama in November.
   Huntsman would surely have the credentials and gravitas for the job, but following Hillary Clinton in that role, well, those are big pant-suits to fill.
   He’s the guy who in the last debate got the best of Romney when he said the frontrunner puts politics over country. This was in response to Romney chastizing Huntsman for working in the Obama administration as ambassador to China.
   Huntsman responded with the best dig at Romney up to that point when he retorted, “This nation is divided because of attitudes like that.” Yo! Sound bite for the Obama campaign in the fall.
   Speaking of the Mittens, he and his campaign staff gave a black woman (who said the Lord or somebody told her to seek him out) $150 to help pay her utility bill. Now she’s supporting him. Hopefully for him she won’t be prevented from voting because she can’t produce a photo ID.
   So Romney proves that he is a compassionate conservative. Either that or he just saw the movie “The Help.”
   Soon to be also-ran GOP candidate former Pennsylvania Sen. Rick “Sweater-vests ‘R’ Us” Santorum said recently that Romney is a moderate and that, in essence, he’s a paler version of the current resident in the White House.
   Santorum didn’t mean anything racist by that remark. Maybe he just meant to say they’re both blah. Or they’re ebony and ivory working together in perfect moderate harmony.
   Wonder if the GOP candidates still want to get Denver Broncos QB Tim Tebow to support their quest for the White House.
   Tebow never had a prayer against the New England Patriots over the weekend. The Patriots crucified the Broncos. The only time Tebow got down on one knee was when he was sacked and fumbled.
   Maybe Tebow can finally go out in public with eyeblack under his eyes, not with John 3:16 painted, but rather Mitt 20:12.
   But then the only sport Romney knows is “Moneyball.”
   Speaking of the Brad Pitt movie of the same name, it  didn’t fare well at Sunday’s Golden Globes award show.
   But the foreign language film that won was “A Separation” and it was from Iran.
   Typical Hollywood jihad, those award shows.
   And what’s with all this French stuff this year?
   Woody Allen (liberal communist) won a Golden Globe for his screenplay “Midnight in Paris.”
   And the critic’s choice this year, the silent movie “The Artist,” is basically a film made and financed in France with the director and main stars being French.
   John Kerry spoke French and W. and his turdblossom for a brain Karl Rove turned that into a gift that kept on giving when they defeated the Democrat in 2004.
   Mitt Romney speaks fluid French and got out of serving in Vietnam by going to France where he pretended to be a Mormon missionary.
   And current House Majority Leader Eric Cantor spent recess in France. There’s even a photo of him in a beret in front of the Eiffel Tower.
   Mon Dieu!
   But new political season. New villain.
   Jon Huntsman was attacked in a Ron Paul super PAC ad for speaking fluid Mandarin.
   When it’s common knowledge that Obama is the real Manchurian Candidate.
   This year’s election isn’t movie oriented anyway. It’s definitely more reality TV.
   And Jon Huntsman will be watching it from the sidelines.
   With Tim Tebow.

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One Response to Jonny, we hardly knew you

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