Mewtt Gingney

     The Republican Presidential Primary is no longer stuck in Newt-ral. In fact, it’s in overdrive now that Newt Gingrich wiped the smirk off Mitt Romney’s face in the South Carolina Primary over the weekend.
    The Romney camp is in panic mode as their candidate on Monday hinted at becoming more aggressive, taking off the Mitts and putting on the gloves, so to speak.
    The problem with this is Romney comes off more phony than he does by trying to convince voters he’s like us poor working slobs.
    Go online and check out the photo op of him at a laundromat doing the laundry.
    Guess you can say Romney is doing everything he can to stem the Tide that appears to be going against him.
    Romney doesn’t do tenacious well. Newt is the Georgia bulldog in this fight. He’s a mutt. Romney is a, well, Mitt.
    Romney is more like one of those groomed to the nines canines at the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show put on every year in New York.
    The problem the GOP has nowadays is that they’re looking for a candidate who possesses the aggressiveness of a Newt and the business savvy —– who can have $32 million is offshore accounts in the Cayman Islands — of a Mitt.
    That’s right, the GOP is looking for Mewtt Gingney.
    The hybrid Republican candidate to take on President Obama in the fall.
    The best way to get the best, for lack of a better world, of both these worlds would be to put the two candidates on the GOP ticket. It may make perfect sense, but impossible since neither men’s egos would even contemplate stooping to the level of running mate.
    And if Mitt was at the top of the ticket and Newt was his VP and if they’d win, well, Mitt would need to create a new position at the White House —- that of food taster.
    He could always get someone poor and out of work to take the job.
    Or a former janitor who lost his job to some schoolkid because Newt got Congress to approve new child labor laws.
    It’s obvious. The Republican Party needs to nominate Rush Limbaugh. After all, he is America’s Bully, and he knows how to make millions and millions of dollars. OK, so it’s for himself —- but that’s free enterprise.
    Sure, Rush would have to take a cut in pay —- but he could give the money her earns annually as commander-in-chief to his ex-wives. Or Newt’s exes.
    He could rule the country through his radio program.
    These wouldn’t be fireside chats. They’d be firestorm, scorched earth commentaries that would be carried over all radio and TV outlets on a daily basis.
    If he didn’t have to give up so much power he’d probably do it.
    So the GOP is stuck with a wealthy guy who thinks everyone who isn’t in the top one percent is envious of the rich. And the other is a blowhard egomaniac who thinks he should get a pass from everything bad he’s done in the past because he’s found redemption and who thinks that if Jesus Christ returned to Earth would walk the land weening the faithful off food stamps.
    Romney and Gingrich should make a friendly wager on who will win the Florida Primary.
    Loser has to do the other guy’s dirty laundry.
    Don’t worry, guys, they’ll be a photo-op.
    It’ll make you guys more attractive to the working class. Heck, they might even stand up and Cheer.