Oscar politics

    President Obama gave his State of the Union address, Mitt Romney released his tax returns and the Oscar nominations were announced, all on Tuesday.
   All were highly anticipated and all didn’t meet the expectations of pol pundits, movie critics and those not making what amounts to $56,000 a day, Romney-wise.
   Not bad for a guy who told a group of jobless people in Florida that he can identify with them because he too was unemployed.
   One of the movies nominated for the best picture Oscar is the Deep South of the 1960s civil rights drama “The Help.” In politics, the movie would be retooled when Mitt Romney stars in “Where’s The Help?” after his “self-deportation” theory is taken seriously when the serfs at all his houses quit en masse.
   Also in Oscar contention is the 9/11 melodrama “Extremely Loud and Incredilbly Close.” Coming soon is the movie about George W. Bush and Dick Cheney appropriately titled  “Extremely Lout and Incredibly Morose.”
   Silence should be golden when the best picture Oscar goes to “The Artist.” The silent film, a darling of movie critics, is the odds-on-favorite to win.
   In the political theater of the absurd, the movie would be redone and retitled. See (place any politician’s name here) __________________ starring as “The B.S. Artist.”
   Movies can’t survive without a memorable or at least effective music score. And in some cases, an indelible song from a movie becomes timeless. Think “Over the Rainbow” or “Moon River.”
   There are original and adapted music scores in movies as well. So far in real life, the best song goes to President Obama, who channeled Al Green last week at a fundraiser and suddenly started singing “I… I’m so in love with you….”
   Imagine Newt Gingrich breaking out in a few bars of Charlie Daniels’ “The Devil Went Down to Georgia.” Or Mitt Romney channeling Pat Boone with “Love Letters in the Sand.” Yuk.
   The worst song adaptation so for this year in real life goes to creepy Steven Tyler’s fingers-down-a-chalkboard screeching butcher job of “The Star-Sangled Banner” at the Patriots-Ravens AFC Championship Game over the weekend.
   Memo to Steven Tyler: Judge not lest ye be judged.
   Of course movies can’t be financed or productions green-lighted without writers. If it ain’t on the page, it ain’t on the sound stage. Yada, yada, yada.
   Obama picks up another award here, this time for original screenplay with his one line from his State of the Union speech, where he delivered the zinger: “Anybody who tells you America is in decline doesn’t know what they’re talking about.”
   For screenplay adadptation, the winner is Newt Gingrich, who keeps rewriting his own shaky and shady history as Speaker of the House, where he believes he balanced the budget four times (actually twice, with Bill Clinton as collaborator.) Nor was it as bad as it seems (it was) that he was pretty much forced out of his speaker role because of ethics violations. Oh, ya, he was also fined. 
   Newt is the perfect winner in this writing category, since he fancies himself a historian. More like a revisionist than anything else, especially when he’s rewriting his own history.
   To quote the famous line from John Ford’s classic Western “The Man who shot Liberty Valance”: “When the legend becomes fact, print the legend.
   Newt Gingrich, a legend in his own mind.
   So, will there be a Hollywood ending for President Obama? 
Or will it be Mitt Romney, who is everything to everyone, the political “Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy?”
   Maybe first time presidential candidate Newt Gingrich will have “Beginners” luck.
   One thing is certain, the cash that will be spent electing or re-electing one of these guys will make “Moneyball” look like, well, a movie.
   The envelope, please….

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