CPAC is back

    One of the topics at this year’s Conservative Political Action Committee (CPAC) is “the failure of multiculturalism.”
    In other words, this diversity thing just doesn’t hack it.
    CPAC is also where Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell said “Conservatives are more fun than liberals.”
    So pretty much CPAC is a bunch of white guys getting together not diggin’ the scene with a gangsta lean.
    Their idea of having fun is comparing their golf handicaps and the food and grog at their respective restricted golf clubs.
    Multiculturalism covers a lot of territory, even the territory that usually votes Republican.
    Of course when they say multiculturalism is failing they mean multi-racialism. Have those photo IDs ready. Doing a heck of a job on Brownie.
    Dudes, even House Speaker John Boehner gets a daily dose of bad orange tan to give the impression that he’s a person of some color.
    To say multiculturalism has failed is failure on the GOP to accept the fact that it makes up the sum of America’s parts.
    Ever since Barack Obama was sworn is as the 44th President of the United States, the Republican Party has declared war on diversity.
    It should come as no surprise then that the perceived front-runner for the GOP presidential nomination is a multi-millionaire who isn’t concerned about the very poor?
    President Mitt Romney and first lady Ann Romney. Ward and June Cleaver. And Rick Santorum as The Beaver.
    Back to the 1950s with the lot of us. Father knew best and women were barefoot and pregnant. The only thing that could be classified as diversity was someone on the block had a two-car garage.
    McConnell is half-right. Conservatives (aka the Republican Party) are more fun —- more fun to satirize.
    Another issue CPAC will turn its divided-we-fall attention to is something called “Political Correctness and the Wussification of America.”
    Got to admit they have a point on this one. Wussification is the agenda on network television, which, let’s face it, is extremely liberally bent. They don’t even have to keep the agenda hidden anymore. It’s evident on nearly every show and blatant in the majority of TV commercials.
    “Conservative Dating” is another topic on the CPAC agenda.
    This could be a TV game show.
    It’s “The Conservative Dating Game,” and here’s your host, Mitt Romney.
    Michele Bachmann could be his Vanna White, showcasing the valuable prizes.
    Newt Gingrich is first up and he has the pleasant duty of picking one woman out of three by asking them questions.
    Newt would ask things of them like, “You’re not going to get cancer and force me to dump you for another woman, are you?”
    Another question Newt would ask all three is “How open are you to an open marriage?”
    Be there when Rick Santorum thinks he’s chosing (for a strictly platonic date, mind you) between three women, but they’re all transgenders.
    Valuable prizes include a weekend in the Cayman Islands visiting Mitt’s money in offshore accounts.
   
    Meanwhile, here are some things overheard at the CPAC convention:
    1. “I thought it was a nice touch everybody doing a “Tebow” after the invocation.”
    2. “Marco Rubio is a senator? I thought he was the guy who was married to Jennifer Lopez.”
    3. “All those people praying with Santorum was inspiring —- especially when the overhead camera shot showed they formed a human sweater-vest.”
    4. “I’m just here because I heard they unearthed Ronald Reagan’s corpse and brought his dead bones here for us to worship.”
    5. “Mitt Romney isn’t here today. He needs another day to prepare being more Mitty.”
    6. “Marco Rubio isn’t a designer of women’s clothes? My wife told me the other day she’d be gone for a while ‘cos she was going to pick up her Marco Rubio.”
    7. “That’s Justice Clarence Thomas? I thought he was the bathroom attendant.”
    8. “We were going to turn down Cheney’s invitation,  but we didn’t have the heart. Ba-room-boom!”
    9. “Romney paid the band to play “Fly Me to the Moon” when Newt takes the stage.”
    10. “Whenever I see Sean Hannity, I always think that maybe contraception wouldn’t have been a bad idea years ago…”