Fortunate son

    If Mitt Romney didn’t remind you of a used car salesman before, one of his latest political ads in Michigan might confirm any suspicions you may have had.
    Romney is looking to steer his life in the past lane campaign on the road to victory and drive his message that he’s “severely conservative.”
    Next up for the crash test dummies is a win in the Michigan Republican Primary. The Wolverine State is where Romney was born. His father, George, was a two-term governor there. But recent polls are showing that Mitt is stuck in reverse. Voters have been kicking the tires and his message is falling flat.
    The family friendly Santorum station wagon is passing the over-priced Romney Super PACard, which is unique in its own way: The town car has steering wheels on either side. This gives the driver the option to change positions whenever he feels like it.
    The Romney Super PACard has some bugs left to work out. For one, it’s supposed to keep to the middle of the road, but is too easily forced over to the right.
    In the Mitt as homeboy political ad, he tells voters this primary is “personal. The ad shows shots of a young Willard with Daddy, who was an auto titan, and cars. Lots of cars. Nothing in the ad about Mitt on record not supporting the auto industry bailout and him saying to let it go bankrupt.
    Also not mentioned in the ad was when Mitt had a family of his own and took them on a road trip to Canada  —– wife Mrs. Mitt and the boys, Skippy and Scooter and Ashton and Binky, and oh ya, the family dog Seamus, who Mitt put on top of the car in a kennel.
    This incident happened years ago, but it’s still hounding Romney.
    And his explanation for doing so didn’t help: “We asked the dog where he wanted to sit and he said ‘woof.’ “
    Seamus on you, Willard Mitt Romney.
    If Romney doesn’t win on his home turf in Michigan, the media will dog him until Super Tuesday, the Big Enchalada in early March.
    With the Big Money behind him, Romney may still be in the driver’s seat, but he’s not on cruise control. He’s looking in the rear-view mirror and Santorum is hot on his tail (no gay reference here, Ricky, so move along.)
    Should Romney, for months considered the presumptive GOP presidential nominee, lose the nomination to a religious zealot like Santorum, there’ll be news reports, books and an HBO movie about how he, well, screwed the pooch.
    Maybe Romney should re-invent his own campaign by taking a page from the other contenders’ playbook: He too could run as the anti-Romney candidate.
    “I used to be Mitt Romney, but I don’t approve of that message anymore. I evolved. So now I’m running as the alternative to the Mitt Romney I was before.”
    As far-fetched as that sounds, it wouldn’t be out of the question for a millionaire who likes to fire people and will do anything to win.
    He could even take notice of New York Knicks’ current phenom Jeremy Lin, the NBA’s Tim Tebow, whose name is fodder for pun headlines on TV and in newspapers —- like “Lin-credible!” or “Lin-sanity!”
    Romney can use puns like “ComMITTed to Conservatism!”
    Or use one as a warning to Democrats: “Don’t MITTunderestimate Romney!”
    To appeal to younger, hipper voters he could sing with a Beatles cover band on their album “Magical MITTstery Tour!”
    Or give women who like his looks the OK with the slogan “sMITTen with Romney!”
    All he’s asking is to give him the keys so he can take America for a ride.
    Mitt Romney: He knows the Motor City and he’s got the drive.
    So get on board, America. There’s plenty of room in the Super PACard.
    If not, there’s always the roof.

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