On President’s Day, it’s important to remember what these men stood for:
That it’s the purpose of free enterprise to use their images associated with sales on everything from mattresses to used cars.
What would some of these presidents be saying if they could come back to the USofA today:
1. Millard Fillmore: “I used to think my first name was weird, until I heard Newt.”
2. William Howard Taft: “Gov. Chris Christie of New Jersey as president? You’re gonna need a bigger Oval Office.”
3. George Washington: “I cannot tell a lie, Rick Santorum would be an ideal president in ’12. If the year was 1912. When women didn’t have the right to vote and white men decided who would be in the White House. And don’t get me started on men deciding women’s health issues.”
4. John F. Kennedy: “I, ah, agree with the father of our country. Rick Santorun for president in 1912. When it was inconceivable for a Catholic like himself to even be considered as a candidate for president. I speak from experience, that was still 48 years away.”
5. Ronald Reagan: “OK, my fellow Republicans, listen up, I’ve got another commandment: ‘Thou shall not keep treating me as some kind of savior of America.’ I’m catching hell in Heaven!”
6. Richard Nixon: “Other presidents get their faces associated with businesses and advertising. Well, let me just say this about that, Nixon is finally getting his mug on one. OK, so it’s bail bonds….”
7. Lyndon Baines Johnson: “Any candidate wanting to invade Iraq, I have ideas on how to run a war.”
8. Herbert Hoover: “No, the vacuum cleaner wasn’t named for me, but my presidency did suck.”
9. Harry Truman: “My favorite phrase ‘The buck stops here’ takes on a different meaning with Mitt Romney: The buck keeps on making bucks here.”
10. Gerald Ford: “I have a great idea for Romney: Cut an album of Rolling Stones songs, but with new titles to fit the Mitt. I got a few examples: “Gimme Tax Shelter.” No? How about “Wall Street Fightin’ Man?” Here’s another one you won’t like: “You Can’t Always Get What You Want —- Unless You’re Me.” Whattaya think? I know, spent too much time in college playing football without a helmet ….”
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