Mutt O’Romney

   Since Mitt Romney is adept at pandering to every faction of voter out there —- like down South y’all where he enjoyed “cheesy grits” and “catfish” — his next group should be the Irish, in honor of St. Patrick’s Day.
   It will come naturally to the pragmatic panderer. And here’s what he can tell those Irish eyes smiling at his candidacy:
         * “I’m a Romney. I am a pot of gold.”
         * “This is the second time I’ve had cheesy corn beef and cabbage. I like it. But Ann wouldn’t sit too close to me on the jet.”
         * “My religion doesn’t permit me to drink alcohol. But I’m good friends with the owners of Anheiser-Busch and Coors.”
         * “I love dogs. Especially Irish setters. They’re fun, aren’t they? They’re playful and affectionate. And they don’t mind riding on the roof of cars.”
   How long is Mutt, uh, Mitt going to be in the doghouse with voters over this putting Seamus the dog on the roof of one of the family’s two Cadillacs when they took a road trip to Canada?
   That was 1983, dog-gone it.
   Hey, an urban legend like this one can fetch a lot of punchlines. And it’s endless. Like running Palin gags. Come to think of it, Romney is slowly but surely becoming the Princess Photo-Op Palin of this election cycle.
   Imagine if he loses the nomination because of this stupid human trick. What a pet peeve. The man who said “I like to fire people” and “I’m not concerned about the very poor” or made the blunder of wanting the auto industry to go bankrupt may be done in by dog lovers voting against him.
   New theme song to Mitt’s campaign, one made famous by the Drifters but now with a new title: “Pup on the Roof.” Or maybe a reworking of an Animals hit with the new song title “Doghouse of the Rising Sun.”
   Remember Mitt, when the urban legend becomes fact, embrace the urban legend.
   Come on people, throw him a bone here.
   Or a Frisbee.
   And Mitt, capitalize on it. You’re a capitalist. Make light of it. Here’s how: go on Letterman again and do a Top Ten List with the topic being Famous Movies with Canine Titles (and dedicate it to Seamus):
     Top Ten Movies now with Canines in Mind:
       10. “Dog on a Hot Car Roof”
         9. “Pup in the Air”
         8. “A Roof with a View”
         7. “Corporate Raiders of the Lost Bark”
         6. “Rebel Without A Paws”
         5. Al Poochino in “The Dogfather”
         4. “Yankee Poodle Dandy”
         3. “Pup Fiction”
         2. “Raging Bulldog”
      And the number one movie with canines in mind:
         “Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woof”

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