“Annie get your gun. We’re going to an NRA convention,” Mitt Romney could be telling the little woman today.
     Gordon Gekko is going to speak at one on Friday.
     You can almost hear the shape-shifter now: “I like guns. All kinds of guns. You can fire them. I like firing guns, and I like firing people.”
     Expect the Massachusetts Moderate to try and channel his inner Maverick. He’s bound to have an ace up his sleeve.
     Or he can come on like Marshal Mitt Dillon. His speechwriters are probably corraling some high-falootin’ jargon now that’ll trigger responses from NRA members and sure to hit their mark.
     Something like: “I love the smell of gunsmoke in the morning. It smells like electoral college victory.”
     Be sure to count how many times Romney mentions the GOP’s deity, Ronald Reagan. There may even be some props to John Wayne: “The Duke was a great American. Great Western hero. Great Republican. The same can be said about Ronald Reagan.”
     Difference here being Wayne was a good actor. Reagan was a bad actor (except for portraying the president for eight years) and even worse when he was cast in Westerns. He worked better with chimps.
     If Romney was cast in a Western, he’d be the land baron who is being backed by bankers with big money to get him elected governor. He wouldn’t pack a six-shooter, more like a Derringer.
     As sure as the turning of the earth, Romney will verbally pistol-whip President Obama at the NRA roundup. He could snark: “This president doesn’t like guns. He’d like to take them away from freedom-loving Americans.”
     In a Republican Hollywood Western (yes, Virginia, there were such things back in the 1950s when Ike was in the White House as the nation’s Number One movie horse opera fan) Obama would be cast as the town blacksmith, or the land baron’s horse groomer, who prepares the animals for one of Mrs. Mitt’s two buggies.
     Watch Cheyene Awful stand tall in the saddle for the “Stand Your Ground” law.
     Wild, wild West.
     Maybe millionaire Foster Freiss, who gave millions of dollars to Rick Santorum (good investment, pardner) and who now supports Romney, can take to the podium at the convention and repeat his offensive, trigger-happy off-the-cuff remark “I hope the president’s teleprompters are bullet-proof.”
     Let’s hope Freiss will be Dick Cheney’s next hunting partner.
     While we’re at it, don’t let Rawhide Romney be the keynote speaker at the convention. When he shoots from the hip, he usually Mitt-fires, uh, misfires.
     At least give him blanks. Matches his personality.

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