Big man on campus

    Mitt Romney delivered the commencement address at Jerry Falwell’s Liberty University in the appropriately named Lynchburg, Virginia, on Saturday.
  Not surprisingly, he got the biggest round of applause from the graduating students when he said he believed that a marriage is defined as a union between a man and a woman.
  It would have been interesting if he added, “Or as my grandfather believed, a marriage is defined as a union between a man and a woman, and a woman and another woman.”
  Liberty University is a Christian college founded by the late Moral Majority hypocrite Jerry Falwell. It’s also the university where God apparently came out as a conservative Christian Republican.
  Of course Romney mentioned little about his Mormon faith. Falwell would definitely believe that Mormonism is a cult, but, hey, when it’s a choice between a Republican who belongs to a cult and a Muslim Democrat, it’s a no-brainer. You wouldn’t even need to ask “What would Jesus do?” on this one.
  No props for Mormonism. Thanks a lot, Mitt, that means the one concession stand on campus selling Magic Underwear left the premises with bupkis.
  Also not mentioned was Romney’s bullying of a prep school kid back in the day. Ol’ Edward Scissorhands headed a posse and pretty much attacked the damn hippie, pinned him to the floor and, shears in hand, cut the kid’s hair.
   Overheard in the sea of humanity at the Liberty University commencement:
  1. “I was a bit disappointed. Romney didn’t give us any tips on how to become a CEO of a major corporation and not have a conscience when firing hard-working Americans and shipping their jobs overseas.”
  2. “I’m so glad that he’s going to be president. Now it’s going to be easier for me to get a job and have two Cadillacs and a car elevator!”
  3. “Can’t wait til I get handed my degree so I can go party with the elders.”
  4. “I wanted to hear more about him tying the dog to the roof of his car.”
  5. “Boxers or briefs? Neither, magic underwear.”
  6. “Wonder if he knows Donny Osmond. He’s so dreamy.”
  7. “If he breaks out in song with ‘America the Beautiful’ I’m gonna puke.”
  8. “I got my girlfriend the perfect graduation gift, a bottle of that new fragrance ode de Gingrich.”
  9. “It woulda been hilarious if instead of throwing our caps in the air we would all have thrown etch-a-sketches.”
  10. “Get ready, America, it starts today: Mittmania!”

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