Future fundraiser

     It was announced that former Vice President Dick Cheney will host a fundraiser for Mitt Romney in July. Because when you think master of ceremonies at a fundraiser, the name Dick Cheney comes immediately to mind.
    Those Obama isn’t working, Solyndra, stimulus package, and Obamacare jokes ought to be a hoot. One can only imagine the fomer Veep bringing the funny:
    “I look at Obama policies over the last 3 and a half years and they get on my case for torture.”
    “I haven’t got the heart for another four years of Obama —- and most Americans don’t have the stomach.”
    “This president likes to sing. In November he’ll be singing his swan song.”
    No doubt the laughs will be accompanied by cheers and sneers.
    Cheney’s loyal daughter Lizzie Borden Cheney will be at his side at the fundraiser. Unless it conflicts with her psychiatrist’s advice to her that she attend that retreat for girls with really, really serious daddy issues.
    But what would happen if the comic they hired to bring on the funny went off-script and tore into those in attendance? Before those in attendance went after him with torches and pitch-forks, it might go something like this:
     Comic:
          “Good to be here tonight, Mr. Vice President . I can assure you that Mitt Romney’s heart is in the right place. Have you checked to see if yours is?
        We don’t want to make the Veep laugh too hard. If he does, his mechanical ticker will set off the water sprinklers.”
        I havent seen this much jewelry in one place since I had dinner with the Gingriches.
        What’s the difference between the jewelry worn here and the jewelry worn at an Obama fundraiser? It’s worn by women here.
        I can tell the Veep liked that one. He gave it two sneers instead of one.
        But seriously, folks. There’s a lot of money in this crowded hall. Almost as much as Mitt Romney made off with while at Bain.
        You can tell the Koch brothers are here. Mitt Romney is waiting their table.
        Karl Rove is also here. Everybody is enjoying their prime rib. So is Karl. He’s the only one who ordered his raw.
        The Veep is OK with same-sex marriage. It’s true. That’s because he has a family member who is gay. So why’s the other one called Lizzy?
        I had a campaign jingle in mind for Lizz if she ever decided to run for a seat in the House of Representatives. It was a hip-hop number called ‘Let’s put Lizzy in the Hizzy.’
        Reince Priebus. If reince forms on your priebus, don’t worry, penicillin cures it. What? Oh, Reince Priebus is the chairman of the Republican National Committee?
        Everybody’s favorite parlor game is who will be Mitt Romney’s running mate. Lot of potential candidates. How about Tim Pawlenty? Or as I like to call him, Pawlenty of nothing. On the 100 most respected Americans list, Tim finished behind Flo the Progressive Lady and just above the Tanning Mom.
        How about Marco Rubio? He’s young, conservative and from the key swing state of Florida. Too bad everybody associates his name with the guy who got divorced from Jennifer Lopez.
        Mitt Romney says it’s he, not Obama, who has more in common with Bill Clinton. He may have a point:
        Mitt Romney likes to skirt issues and Bill Clinton has had issues with skirts.
        Mitt Romney once tied a dog to the roof of his car. Bill Clinton once tied up Monica Lewinsky on the roof of the White House and played ‘When King Kong first laid eyes on Fay Wray.’
        Mitt Romney also likes to wear pants suits. Wait, that’s Mitt Romney has more in common with Hillary Clinton….
        Hey, where’s everybody going? I still haven’t talked about our next fundraiser…. Whoa! Watch where you’re pointing that pitch-fork!”

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