Stratford-on-La Verne

Wednesday marks William Shakespeare's 444th birthday -- don't forget to send him an e-card -- and the University of La Verne will mark the Bard-day with a three-in-one event.

First, a dinner of Shakespearean-era food -- roast beef, pasties (meat pies), etc. -- will be served from 5:30 to 6:30 p.m. in Davenport Dining Hall. Dinner is $6.99, or two-for-one. Bring a friend, or make one in line.

Second, at 6:30, Jeffrey Kahan, an associate professor of English, will give a brief talk on the Shake-man. In case you're questioning Kahan's credentials for this lecture, he completed his Ph.D at the Shakespeare Institute at the University of Birmingham. The one in England, not the one in Alabama. His talk will be on "Hamlet" parodies.

Third, at 7:30, comes a free dress rehearsal of "Hamlet" in a shortened, two-hour version by the ULV Theatre Department. The university says the play is co-directed by "renowned Croatian director Georgij Paro," a man who must be keenly aware of Americans' impatience. Stunt men will perform mock swordfights and offer tips on how they do it.

Says ULV spokesman Charles Bentley: "This is your chance to celebrate the birth of the world’s greatest playwright, get a taste of vintage British fare ('What foods these morsels be!'), listen to a noted scholar’s musings and experience possibly the most famous play ever (and in condensed form!)."

How can it miss? Visit the quaint hamlet of La Verne for "Hamlet."