If I were king

Tuesday's LA Times had a funny story from North Korea on how no one there is talking about Kim Jong Il's health, and also about how venerated Kim and his late father are. Their images are considered sacred and people must hang portraits of the two in their homes: "People who fail to dust them regularly are fined."

But here's what grabbed my attention:

"Foreign visitors are advised upon their arrival in Pyongyang not to throw away any North Korean newspapers lest they despoil a photo of the leaders," the story notes.

" 'Don't tear or crumble the newspapers. Don't throw it in a dustbin. Don't wrap something with it or use it for some other purpose,' warned guide Gil Hyun Ah, who said offenders would have to write formal letters of apology before being permitted to leave the country."

When I rule the Inland Valley -- it will be a benevolent tyranny -- I expect to apply the same rule upon the populace regarding the Daily Bulletin. Do not tear or crumble it, don't toss it away and for goodness' sake don't wrap any fish or coffee grounds in it. You might despoil my image.

If my image isn't in that issue, do whatever you like. Let Blackstock or Sholley set up their own regimes, if they're concerned about their images. See how much freedom I'll allow you?