Wedding/alarm bells
At a wedding on Saturday, five minutes past the time for it to start, the minister went to the microphone and began, "I don't wish to alarm anyone, but..." -- instantaneously alarming everyone.
The rest of the sentence: "...the shuttle from the hotel has been delayed and we're waiting for a few more people." Uh, okay.
Two friends and I rolled our eyes and whispered back and forth with more exciting endings for that sentence.
Want to give it a try? Minister at wedding: "I don't wish to alarm anyone, but..."
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About this blogger
A journalist for more than two decades, David Allen has been writing a column for the Daily Bulletin since 1997 and blogging since 2007.He lives in Claremont.
E-mail David here or read columns here.
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...has anyone seen Dustin Hoffman hanging around?
[Ha ha! -- DA]
... this wedding is being attended by several prominent Inland Valley journalists.
[It was, and that would be cause for alarm. -- DA]
...as we gather here today, I am morally compelled to inform you that the leading cause of divorce is marriage.
The minister probably has seen too many chick flicks with Sandra Bullock waiting around ha.
... the owner of the burning Ford Pinto is parked in a red zone.
". . .40 per cent of marriages end in divorce."
A few weeks before my husband of 48 years and I were to be married, my parents attended a wedding where the groom was already waiting at the altar, and the bride decided, just before going down the aisle, that she didn't want to get married. My father told me that, if I changed my mind about getting married, it had better be before he and I were ready to start down the aisle, or he'd see to it that I got there, one way or another!