7 warning signs your girlfriend might not exist

(With apologies to Manti Te’o.)

7. Never picks up the check.

6. Forgets your anniversary.

5. She never introduces you to her imaginary friends.

4. You go on a couples cruise. You’re charged the singles rate.

3. Frequently find yourself asking her, “Is everything okay? You seem distant.”

2. You can’t get no satisfaction. No no no. Hey hey hey. That’s what I say.

And the top warning sign your girlfriend might not exist:

1. She dies of cancer and you feel nothing. Nothing!
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