My audition

 One by one we move forward as each queen hopeful takes their turn on stage. When I finally get inside the door, I get to watch accordion players, a gospel singer, a belly dancer, a drag queen with a wicked guitar, a Marilyn Monroe wannabe, an Easter bunny “dancing” in an electric wheelchair and other acts.

Prince Andrew, the Duke of Doo Dah, gets my attention and leads me onto the stage.

“Presenting Miss Naughty Mickie, contestant number 666,” he says.

I glance over at Valerie, all’s well, as she’s standing beside the stage with my swords.

I prepare to strum my guitar, but the crowd won’t quiet down. I smile and wait and wait and wait. Finally I just go for it, singing and strumming the beginning of “Sweet Jane.” After one verse and chorus I say, “Forget this. We need some rock and roll.”

I tear off my guitar and toss it to the ground in a smooth motion, give a nod to the band behind me and get moving. Valerie hands me a sword, which I place on my head and keep dancing. I kneel and lean back on the floor and reach out for sword number two.

I straighten up, add the sword to my head and get up and dance some more.


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All right, it’s time for my denouement. Valerie hands me sword number three, which I place across my chest. I turn slowly so everyone can see all the swords I’m balancing. Mid-turn I suddenly realize that I recognize the song the band is playing- it’s a tune made famous by strippers. At first this frustrates me, but then I find it funny and almost laugh. It’s hard to laugh while balancing swords and I wouldn’t recommend it because you don’t get as good tips when you skewer your audience.

I make the song mine (but keep all my clothes on) and finish up with a flurry of swords and shimmies.

The judges politely applaud and prepare to give me hell.

“I see you dance with swords, but do you swallow?” a judge asks trying to upset me.

“A lady never tells,” I whip back with a grin.

“Just how naughty are you?” another judge taunts.

“Meet me after the auditions,” I quip and he begins to blush.

Queen Sabrina takes the microphone and looks at me unamused, “Why should you be Doo Dah Queen instead of the other contestants?”

I smile to bely my nervousness- this is the clincher question.

“I am very involved with Pasadena and as queen I can spread the spirit of Doo Dah everywhere and let the world know that, although Los Angeles and New York think they’re the best, Pasadena is where it’s at.”


The judges break into a wild applause.


 That was my best shot, so I hope it worked, as now I’m being escorted off the stage.

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