Week 2 Roundup - Alphabet Soup

B is for Blown Coverage:
The Eagles pass defense completely choked against the Cowboys, as Owens was his usual dominant self. Unfortunately, I expected Asante Samuel to shut him down. Guess not.

C is for Chris Johnson:
Johnson is the best rookie running back in the game, besides...

D is for Darren McFadden:
Run DMC was so incredible on Sunday, my entire opinion of him changed. Granted, the Chiefs are atrocious. Like, really, really bad. But the best unit of the team is without the defensive line. Well, not on Sunday. McFadden and Co. combined for 300 (300!!!) yards on the ground, with the Razorback gaining 164 and a touchdown. Don't expect a rehash of Adrian Peterson, but McFadden could put together a few more WOW! games.

E is for John Elway:
Or more appropriately, the next John Elway. First, two important facts: I am a huge, huge Denver Broncos fan, and I know the Chargers' pass defense is an absolute joke. But Cutler looked like a young Elway against San Diego, releasing the ball with perfect timing, moving in the pocket to avoid the pass rush and, most importantly, looking off covered targets.

F is for Flukes and Fo' Real:
Here are three flukes: Jacksonville offense (will eventually explode), Aaron Rodgers (won't throw three TDs more than three times), Ahmad Bradshaw (only two-touchdown game)
Here are the Fo' Reals: Wes Welker (a true possession receiver, not just a Brady creation), Isaac Bruce (about 1.2 mile left in those wheels), Jonathan Stewart (I interviewed a shirtless Stewart after the Panthers/Chargers game in Week One. He is massive. He'll beat the hell out of opposing outside linebackers all year).

G is for Golden Graham:
Tampa Bay's easy Earnest needed a 68-yard touchdown run to have an effective fantasy performance, but he is a true No. 2 back.

H is for Houshmanzadeh and Holt:
Two guys, one young, one old, both drafted in the early 30s and both on awful teams. But Holt had 7 for 76 and a touch, and Housmanzadeh had 3 for 26. Cincinnati is looking truly pathetic, and it might be time to start worrying.

I is for Ick, or Indianapolis; or really, both:
The Minnesota defense is like Guiness (umm, very stout. Ouch, that was bad). But the Colts looked downright poor for most of the game. Maybe it's the loss of Jeff Saturday, or maybe Peyton Manning's absence in the preseason really mattered, but something is out of sync. Joseph Addai is slipping by the day. Keep an eye on it - a couple BIG weeks in a row, and I'd try to dump the guys.

J is for Jumping on/off the Bandwagon:
Run and leap onto the Broncos, Redskins and Cardinals bandwagons.
Sprint off the Browns' and Bears'.

K is for Karate Kid:
It's on AMC as I'm writing this. Daniel LaRusso really was a douchebag. I think I would've been on Zabka's side.

L is for luck:
Thaaaaank you, Ed Hochuli.

M is for Mo' Money:
Biggie Smalls was wrong' Mo Mo' Money, Less Problems. Marshawn Lynch is a top-six back at this point, and will continue to be as long as Trent Edwards is behind center. The Bills will never rely on Edwards, and will all but give Lynch the owner's box.

N is for Never Again:
...Will I draft a quarterback before Round 8. Cutler, Round 9. Schaub, Round 11. Rivers, Round 12. Fine by me.

O is for Offensive Explosion:
It's about time we as fantasy "experts" started judging fantasy football players based on offensive systems, and not on "potential." Look, Terrell Owens has Tony Romo. Brian Westbrook has Donovan McNabb. WHO cares if Roddy White looks great sometimes. He has a rookie quarterback. Doesn't matter how talented he is, he has a ROOKIE quarterback. Sorry for the CAPS.

P is for Patience:
Here are the five guys to wait out: Maurice Jones-Drew, Brandon Jacobs, Houshmanzadeh, Santonio Holmes, Edgerrin James.

Q is for Questionable:
The worst damn health designation in the NFL.

R is for Ryan Grant:
See Q.

S is for Santana:
Moss gave up his "Evil Ways" and was very "Smooth" against the Saints. Santana became a viable fantasy scorer again as Jason Campbell proved to be impressive, both "Revelations." Umm, he also likes the song "Black Magic Woman."

T is for Tony:
Scheffler, that is. He'll still have to battle Brandon Marshall and Eddie Royal for catches and Andre Hall/Selvin Young/Michael Pittman for red-zone targets. But he is very talented, and he and Cutler have a true bond, a la Romo and Jason Witten.

U is for Ugly:
The one way to describe the offensive lines of both the St. Louis Rams and Kansas City Chiefs. It will be interesting to see if Steven Jackson and Larry Johnson can do anything this season, in spite of their respective teams.

V is for Victories:
Certain wins for various NFL teams will have lasting fantasy repercussions. New England's 19-10 victory over a much-improved Jets team means they won't have to rely much on the offense, downgrading each of their star players (Moss, Maroney, Welker).

W is for Westbrooke:
Forget LT and forget AP; if healthy, Westbrook is the top fantasy back.

X is for X-Factor:
Now do you believe in Reggie Bush? The ultimate backfield receiving threat, Bush is an absolute No. 1 in PPR leagues. Not even a question at this point.

Y is for Yancey Thigpen:
Yes, a random name, from way back in 1995. Thigpen was a complete unknown, a football non-entity for his first three seasons, 1991-1994. Then in '94, Thigpen had 546 yards. The next season, he blew up for 1,307 yards. This season's Yancey?
Patrick Crayton.

Z is for Zilch:
As in, people who will read this two-hour long breakdown. If you did, leave a comment. I need the love, folks.