Jury Duty: No popcorn and a movie

8:48 a.m.

Everybody knows there's a movie during "juror orientation." The lights were dimmed, the movie -- titled "Ideals Made Real: The Jury" -- was shown. I heard only these words:

"The coffee will be ready after the movie."

After the closing credits rolled, I woke up. Kelly told us she broke her foot recently and said not to "give her any sass" over how she was walking in heels. I have to assume she was talking to the women in the room.

"Beauty is pain, right?" she adds.

Other things we learned about Kelly: She wasn't familiar with Santa Monica when she was initially assigned to the court and spent the first week lunching at Jack in the Box. Thereafter, she had a thing with compulsive shopping. Since then, she's expanded her lunching horizons and cut back on the shopping.

Then it was time for some jury business:

"If you borrowed a pen (to fill out the juror forms), we would like it back. Yesterday we had 14 pens. We got two back.

"I'd like to say the pens buzz when you leave the room, but they do not."

Somebody's going to make a fortune when they invent the Security Pen. Actually, all you'd have to do is put one of those magnetized security tags they use in library books into the pen -- and then lock up the perps. If you're reading this post, please forget about this killer idea, as I'm going to use it myself and rake in the cash.