In my short time as a film critic, I have discovered one thing that seems to remain constant; no matter how I feel about them, children's films are the hardest to write about.

I haven't figured out the why yet, but for some reason, good, bad or just mediocre, the words don't fly for me like they normally do. But, one way or another, my thought on "Zathura: A Space Adventure" will be written. God help us all.

Commander Adama has been acting suspicious, which only serves to deepen the President's doubts about his humanity. However, when he brings Ellen Tigh to the Galactica, all suspicious eyes shift toward her. On Caprica, Helo and Athena run from the baddies.

A note to first time BSG watchers; these aren't the reviews for you. I plan to write about the show with the ending in mind. If you haven't seen the show, you will be spoiled on stuff that happens at the end. You've been warned.

First up, let's address the unfortunate translation of "Das schreckliche Mädchen," Michael Verhoeven's 1990 film. The 'nasty' in the title is closer in meaning to something like mean or rude rather than any sexual meaning.

If that's what you were thinking when you clicked on that link, sorry. You won't find what you're looking for here.

In case you decided to stick around, "The Nasty Girl" is about Sonja (Lena Stolze), a bright young German girl in the 1970s. She enters a Europe-wide essay contest while she's in high school and wins the first prize for Germany. She gets a trip to Paris, a medal from the mayor and the admiration of friends and family alike.

A Leoben is discovered onboard one of the ships in the fleet; Starbuck interrogates (tortures) him and hears some good and bad news from the wordiest Cylon ever. On Caprica, not-Boomer decides to abandon the Cylon plan for her and Helo, and I'm going to start calling her Athena to celebrate her break with her people. I'm sure she's thrilled.

A note to first time BSG watchers; these aren't the reviews for you. I plan to write about the show with the ending in mind. If you haven't seen the show, you will be spoiled on stuff that happens at the end. You've been warned.

After Gaius angers Head Six, a mysterious (Six-shaped) woman named Shelley Godfrey arrives on the Galactica and accuses (with proof) Gaius of aiding the Cylons in their attack on the colonies. After seven episodes (weeks), Helo and not-Boomer make Hera and finally get themselves a plot.

A note to first time BSG watchers; these aren't the reviews for you. I plan to write about the show with the ending in mind. If you haven't seen the show, you will be spoiled on stuff that happens at the end. You've been warned.

"Kitchen Privileges (aka 'Housebound')," written and directed by Mari Kornhauser, is quite a mixed bag of a movie; on one side, you have a fairly well done drama about a woman recovering from a brutal rape. On the other side, you have a mishandled horror film that fails where it succeeds.

Confused yet? Back to the beginning.

Marie (Katharina Wressnig) has become an agoraphobic after being raped in an elevator about a year before the film begins.  She has adjusted her entire life to staying indoors, to the frustration and concern of her friends and her boyfriend. To supplement her income (and to help her feel safe), she takes in a tenant, Tom (Peter Sarsgaard), a cook on an oil rig who mostly comes and goes.

After a failed attempt at 'outside' leads her to a panic attack, Tom helps her through it, and the two of them begin the process of healing her, but like usual, not is all what it seems with this guy. He's intensely private, he even locks the kitchen door when he's cooking, and Marie is always hearing weird noises from behind his door. Could he be the mysterious freeway killer who dumps dismembered bodies before moving on to his next victim?

It sounds lame, and it does take a little time to get interested in these characters, but it does happen, thanks to the performances of Wressnig and Sarsgaard. If the movie had just been a psychological drama/horror film with just those two, I suspect I would have liked it more. However, there a number of bit players (most notably Marie's odious sister Mignon, played by Angeline Ball) that show up to just ruin all the fun.  

(We're moving in to spoiler territory after the jump; don't click if you want to be surprised.)

After a Doral sneaks aboard the Galactica and blows some people up, Adama gives a sergeant unlimited powers in her investigation, where she makes some shocking and uncomfortable conclusions for the commander. Chief and Boomer break up; Helo rescues not-Boomer from her fake captivity.

A note to first time BSG watchers; these aren't the reviews for you. I plan to write about the show with the ending in mind. If you haven't seen the show, you will be spoiled on stuff that happens at the end. You've been warned.

A while back, I wrote about the hope I held for "Year One," that the film would be a good kind of stupid that's fun to watch and not something that needs to be endured.

For the most part, I think the film delivered.

"Year One" starts off with our two cavemen heroes, Zed (Jack Black) and Oh (Michael Cera), trying to get two cavewomen babes, Eema (Juno Temple) and Maya (June Diane Raphael) to notice them. After an unfortunate series of events (Zed eats the forbidden fruit of the tree of knowledge), our heroes are kicked out of the village and must fend for themselves in the unknown world beyond.

They wander about, running into various Biblical characters (David Cross as Cain is a real treat), but once they discover that their loves have been sold into slavery in Sodom, they bravely (and foolishly) venture into the fortified city to save them.

For about an hour, this film really had me in its corner. It's nothing special or extraordinary, but Black and Cera have comic stylings that I didn't expect to work together but do. A lot of the Judd Apatow players show up and you can tell that they are all having a good time of this little distraction.

But that's only the first hour of the movie. As my movie buddy pointed out (hi Jim!), the movie really slowed down once the plot kicked in.

Not too many movies will earn that criticism, but "Year One" would have been much better if it had stuck to its sketch-comedy roots and left the dumb (although at times funny) political-machinations plot to another movie.

Not unlike last week's "You Don't Mess with the Zohan," more is less here; the last 30 minutes aren't as painful as that movie's third act, but I'm sure there was a better way to wrap the film up.

Better luck next time guys.

Want a different take? Check out Jim's review.

"Year One"

Directed by Harold Ramis

Written by Harold Ramis, Gene Stupnitsky and Lee Eisenberg  

Starring: Michael Cera (Ooh)

Jack Black (Zed)

David Cross (Cain)

Continuing from last week, Starbuck is stranded on a planet and must find her way back to Galactica. On the other side, the Adamas go to extraordinary (and dangerous) lengths to find her. On Caprica, Helo and not-Boomer are attacked by Centurions, and not-Boomer is MIA.

A note to first time BSG watchers; these aren't the reviews for you. I plan to write about the show with the ending in mind. If you haven't seen the show, you will be spoiled on stuff that happens at the end. You've been warned.

After an accident kills 13 of Galactica's pilots, Starbuck is put in charge of training the replacements, which brings up painful memories of Commander Adama's other son Zack.

A note to first time BSG watchers; these aren't the reviews for you. I plan to write about the show with the ending in mind. If you haven't seen the show, you will be spoiled on stuff that happens at the end. You've been warned.