Tag Archives: Rated PG

The Black Cauldron

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Wow, that was quite a disappointment.

Now, I went in expecting “The Black Cauldron” to be pretty bad (thanks in part to this Slate article), but in the back of my mind, I was hoping that my lowered expectations would overwrite the movie’s flaws and let me enjoy it.

 

Sadly, it was not to be. What makes the movie’s fumbles even harder is that I’ve read “The Chronicles of Prydain” by Lloyd Alexander (the movie’s title comes from the second book in the series), and it’s a fantastic and moving coming of age tale about an assistant pig keeper Taran (voiced by Grant Bardsley) and his journey to manhood (and heroism).

However, the film, directed by Ted Berman and Richard Rich, has none of those qualities. It’s an overly cutesy tale about bringing down a scary but one-note villain in order to save the world and get the girl. It’s the template for every fantasy story ever written (as a fantasy consumer, that’s not a complaint, just an observation) but the writers and directors didn’t do anything special with the story.

 

The characters are goody-goody bland, the animal sidekicks (on both sides) are annoying, and the wrap-up is too easy and ultimately costs our heroes nothing (something that is completely foreign to the author Alexander).

It’s not often that I wish for a bad movie to be longer, but condensing five extraordinary novels

in to one 80 minute movie is a travesty, plain and simple. Maybe I could have handled this movie better if I hadn’t loved the books as I did, but what’s done is done. Now it’s time for someone to rescue this series from it’s fate and make it into the grand spectacle it deserves to be.

 

“The Black Cauldron” (1985)

Written by too many to list here

Directed by Ted Berman and Richard Rich

Starring: Grant Bardsley (Taran)

Susan Sheridan (Eilonwy)

Willow

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Tried as I might, I could not get into “Willow.”

Some of it comes down to timing; had I seen this at a much younger age, I could totally see myself getting swept up in this story of a dwarf named Willow (Warwick Davis) who must protect a baby from the evil Queen Bavmorda (Jean Marsh) who wishes to kill her.

He meets some other travelers along the way to help him, such as two Brownies, Franjean(Rick Overton) and Rool (Kevin Pollak), a ne’er do well swordsman Madmartigan (Val Kilmer) and Fin Raziel (Patricia Hayes) a good witch who has been transformed into a muskrat.

It’s a solid setup, a tale as old as time, but a lot of the kiddie elements, like any scenes with the Brownies or when the love potion goes wrong for Madmartigan, just fall flat to these adult eyes. And while I’ll give the filmmakers props for bucking the trend of the day and making the chosen one a girl, “Willow” still amounts to a story about a bunch of dudes (even the other women can’t act on their own until the men come along).

“Willow” tried its best to impress me, but sadly, I’m a little too old for a tale this simplistic.

“Willow” (1988)

Written by Bob Dolman

Directed by Ron Howard

Starring: Warwick Davis (Willow)

Val Kilmer (Madmartigan)

“The Sandlot” revisited

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Some movies should not be revisited.

Some kiddie movies can last beyond childhood; they are the special ones, the ones that you can come back to time and again, and they always retain that magic you witnessed in your youth.

 

For me, two standouts are “Bedknobs and Broomsticks” and Shirley Temple’s “The Blue Bird,” but it really doesn’t matter which ones made the cut. What matters is that for the length of the film, a piece of your childhood comes back to life and you are young again.

But, then there are those other movies, that had magic when you were young, but when you look at them with adult eyes, you can’t go back. All the flaws are right there in the open and you cannot brush them aside. The movie is forever tainted by your growing wisdom.

Unfortunately, “The Sandlot” falls into the second category.

I saw it with my cousin when I was fourteen, and I really liked it; it was a good baseball-and-kids story that for once didn’t center around the big game.

But then I had to go and watch it this past week. There are too many characters, too many improbable (and let’s face it, impossible) situations and too many moments that just make the adult in me cringe.

“The Sandlot” had a lot going for it; a solid setup about a lonely boy in a new town who finds himself on a baseball team (when he doesn’t know how to play); a likeable enough cast; and an unconventional approach to a sports movie.

It all goes downhill from there. I want to remember this movie fondly, but the adult in me can’t find the childhood glee. It’s all gone.

“The Sandlot” (1993)

Written by David M. Evans and Robert Gunter

Directed by David M. Evans

Starring: Scotty Smalls (Tom Guiry)

Benny (Mike Vitar)

“Star Trek: Generations” revisited

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As all good “Star Trek” fans know (and hey, even non-fans know it), when it comes to the movies, the even ones rock and the odd ones suck. Sure, the odd ones aren’t all horrible, but they don’t live up to the highs the even numbered movies offer us.

But, due to a recent “Star Trek” rewatch/indoctrination (Hi Jim!), I’ve gotten a chance to re-evaluate one of the films I’m not too familiar with: “Star Trek: Generations.”

Here be spoilers! Reading more may cause you to find out facts well-known in geek land. You have been warned.

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Tuck Everlasting

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Ok readers, we’re going to begin with a question this week: ever seen the movie “Holes” (2003)?

It’s based on the book of the same name by Louis Sachar, an author who specializes in weird kids’ books (such as “Wayside School is Falling Down” and “Sideways Stories From Wayside School”). The movie version of the Newbery Medal-winning YA novel is a completely faithful adaptation that unfortunately lacks all the charm of the crazy-fun book.

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“James and the Giant Peach” revisited

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As I’ve written before, it can be really, really hard to get children’s films right. If all the pieces aren’t there, adults (and kids too) will immediately spot a cash grab and recoil.

I had some fine memories of “James and the Giant Peach,” (and I’ve always loved Roald Dahl books) the 1996 adaptation from director Henry Selick, but it’s been quite a while since I last watched it, so I decided to check it out from an adult perspective. Unfortunately, the film has the ingredients for magic, but it just doesn’t deliver.

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Kung Fu Panda

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I’ve said it before, possibly even on this blog, but I think kids’ films are the hardest to review. Even if the film is sentimental tripe, kids everywhere are going to love it (even if they shouldn’t), and well, I feel a little bad about bashing something that little ones get so much enjoyment from (even if the film totally deserves a good bashing).

Fortunately, “Kung Fu Panda,” directed by Mark Osborne and John Stevenson, isn’t that bad, but it’s still not great.

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Bright Star

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Biopics can be a tricky thing to pull off; too many times, the film can feel like it’s just telling you the highlights of a person’s life without actually giving you a real idea of who that person is (case in point: “Walk the Line”). That doesn’t mean films like that are irredeemably awful (again, “Walk the Line”), but it does mean they lack the spark that makes them great.

Well, along comes Jane Campion’s “Bright Star,” a pseudo-biopic of John Keats (Ben Whishaw); I say pseudo because while it does feature Keats as the male lead, it’s really the story of his lady love, Fanny Brawne (Abbie Cornish).

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Batman: Mask of the Phantasm

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Over the years, I’ve had an up-and-down relationship with the Batman franchise. I watched the cartoon when I was kid, but I thought it was pretty boring. I don’t like the Tim Burton movies, but I don’t like any Tim Burton movies. I liked “Batman Forever,” and Val Kilmer is my favorite Batman, but I (wisely?) stayed away from “Batman and Robin.” I thought “Batman Begins” was one of the most boring movies I’ve ever seen, but I loved “Dark Knight.”

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