Paris Hilton ate my baby!

Hah! Sucka.

If you're reading this now it's because the headline intrigued you. (Legal disclaimer: the headline of this blog item is not true in any sense and merely used as an example of sensational coverage about celebrities intended to point out out bad media behavior. Paris Hilton never ate my baby, because I don't have one. Furthermore, If I did have a baby I strongly believe that Ms. Hilton would refrain from eating it, because that's wrong and gross.)

If the headline was Darfur warlord ate my baby, chances are no one would car. Don't warlords always eat babies? Yawn.

I'm not blaming you for getting excited about Ms. Hilton's outrageous behavior. In fact, I blame me and my media cohorts for preempting coverage about things that might really affect your lives for "breaking news" about what Paris was wearing when she was sprung from her three-week county jail stay, what she learned from that life-changing experience, whether she had any new jail tats to show off and all the endless jabbering about whether the incarceration would change the wealthy heirress.

I'm sorry. I really am, but.. but.. ANNA NICOLE'S BUTT INFECTION!.. Ack! Sorry. I just can't seem to help myself... ANGELINA JOLIE HAS A FAKE LEG!... GEORGE CLOONEY HAS OPINIONS! ...BRAD PITT. BRAD PITT. BRAD PITT....aaaaaaaa