Karl Rove Strikes Again!

Well, I was as shocked as anyone to read that gas prices have dropped 40 cents since last year. After all, when prices were at their peak, the conspiratorialists told us that Big Oil can set prices at whatever level it wants, and that it sets them deliberately high to satisfy its rapacious greed.

So what's happened since then? Did Big Oil lose its amazing market-controlling ability, or just its rapacious greed?

What's more, I seem to recall that when prices dipped last fall -- although not as much as they've dipped recently -- we were told that this was a deliberate part of a Rove-ian plan to sway the elections. Team Bush got its buddies in Big Oil to momentarily lower prices so the GOP could hang on to Congress (heckuva job, Turdblossom) -- an evil plot borne out by the fact that prices went up again shortly after election day.

But the next election won't be for nearly 15 months! Isn't this precisely the time that Big Oil should be gouging us the most?

No, not if we understand their next wicked scheme. Clearly a new conspiracy is under way: Big Oil is slashing prices in an effort to drive up gas consumption, which, in turn, will fuel global warming. The plan is to melt all the polar ice caps by summer's end, so that by Fall 2008, America's coastal regions -- the blue states -- will be wiped out. Then, the GOP will hold on to the White House and retake Congress -- and the price of regular unleaded will shoot up to $67.99 a gallon.

Oh, is there any limit to the depths of Karl Rove's treachery?