Reflections in a (Juror) Pool

Spent yesterday at federal jury duty in Downtown L.A., where, blessedly, I managed to avoid being picked to serve. Still, even though I dread jury duty as much as anyone, there's something about it I've always enjoyed from a people-watching standpoint. The jury pool reflects a great cross section of Southland humanity. My panel included an actor married to a studio executive, a housekeeper, teachers, corporate cogs, and (of course) numerous government workers. You get a good glimpse at SoCal in all its diversity on jury duty -- the good, the bad, and the ugly.

The best part, though, was the two-and-a-half hour question-and-answer period, in which attorneys tried to weed out the undesirables (yours truly included) from the panel. It was wild to watch the lawyers furiously taking notes based, at first, on nothing more than our names and faces. Since childhood we're told not to judge a book by its cover, but litigators are paid handsomely to do just that.

Most interesting of all was when potential jurors had to give reasons for why they might not be able to serve. Here, you could really see that duty calls all kinds. Some of the more notable personalities in my courtroom included:

Mr. No Speaka English -- A 10-year U.S. citizen who told the judge he couldn't serve because his English was too bad, then proceeded to easily answer several of the judge's questions, some of which contained purposely large words. After Mr. No Speaka English demonstrated a more than functional understanding of the language, the judge told him to sit back down. At which point Mr. NSE trotted out every other excuse he could think of for not serving -- "my mother's in the hospital" and "it's a long drive to downtown L.A." -- all to no avail.

The Dutiful Servant -- A woman identifying herself as an employee of a local charter-school company told the judge that her employer doesn't pay for jury time. Hizzonner then asked whether, without her salary, she would be able to keep afloat financially. "It would be tough," she replied, but she thought she could get by if she had to. The judge clearly was touched by this woman's sense of duty, and was prepared to let her go. "What do you want to do?" he asked. "I will serve," she answered, before dutifully re-taking her seat.

Ms. Britney Spears -- Although about 25 years older than the real Britney, this prospective juror did have the celebutante's #1 accessory -- a miniature dog. No, her "baby," as she referred to the pooch while chatting with fellow jurors, wasn't there, but Ms. Spears was worried about what the 3.5-pound critter would do if she got stuck on a one-week-long trial. Who would take care of him? The judge's response: That's your problem. Next?

The Heartbroken -- One woman answered all the questions, saying she would be available for the trial, but then approached the lectern. Meekly, she explained that she didn't think she could be impartial in this case because her son had been killed by a gang of robbers. Suffice it to say, she was excused.

And all of us who had been feeling sorry for ourselves because we were stuck in jury duty for the day suddenly felt very small.